- Arthur: I told you that your ass is fat!
- Larry Sanders: Too late.
- Arthur: Not from me, buddy!
- Larry Sanders: My ass is fine, my ass is great, I never felt better about my ass.
- Arthur: Maybe you don't need me.
- Larry Sanders: Maybe we don't.
- Arthur: Then maybe you and your fat ass can go fuck yourselves!
- Larry Sanders: Thank you. I was just waiting for a go ahead.
- Arthur: Well, you go right ahead!
- Larry Sanders: Thank you.
- Arthur: Don't wait for me.
- Larry Sanders: I will not wait for you.
- [checking his own butt in the mirror]
- Larry Sanders: Hello!
- [first lines]
- Beverly Barnes: [Larry plays golf in his office when Beverly opens the door and the golf ball passes in front of her, outside of the room] You're supposed to put into the hole.
- Larry Sanders: Yeah, I know, that's something my wife used to tell me.