- Phil: [Phil notices a flower bouquet on Beverly's desk] Hey, who did you fuck to get those?
- Brian: She has a secret admirer, Phil!
- Phil: Oooh... who?
- Beverly Barnes: It's James.
- Phil: The network guy?
- Beverly Barnes: Yeah.
- Phil: There's no way he sent you anything in secret. He's the kind of guy who finds a way to stamp his name on all the petals.
- Beverly Barnes: I know Artie, he was trying to be nice and all but... when a gay man is the only one writing you poetry it makes you feel like a real charity case.
- Brooke Shields: What did she say?
- [he doesn't say anything]
- Brooke Shields: Jack, what did she say?
- Jack Jason: [Marlee insists in the sign language translation of what she said] What a cunt.
- Hank Kingsley: I was thinking about the time I masturbated before the show and you caught me.
- Arthur: Haha I forgot about that one.
- Hank Kingsley: What I'm gonna do about Larry's book?
- Arthur: Well, Hank I don't really know. But I tell you the next time before the show when you feel the need to whip your pony, I suggest you lock the door.
- Hank Kingsley: Ok, listen if you don't wanna come out, how about uh sliding the pages underneath the door? How about that?
- Larry Sanders: Hank, can... can you hear me?
- Hank Kingsley: I can, buddy.
- Larry Sanders: Go fuck yourself.
- Hank Kingsley: Larry, listen did you put that stuff about me?
- Larry Sanders: Buy the book.