The Larry Sanders Show (TV Series)

The Roast (1997)

Jeffrey Tambor: Hank Kingsley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jon Stewart : I have to say it is an honor to be here with Carl Reiner, a legend who can look back to a lifetime bringing people laughter as opposed to Larry, who is just old. But they say Larry is self-centered and I don't think so, honestly, because if Larry could blow himself, he wouldn't need Hank, I guess.

  Hank Kingsley : Hey, why don't you speak up, only the people at your table know you are an asshole.

  Jon Stewart : Oh my... Hank it's that a heckler's rethoric?

  Hank Kingsley : Leave me alone, I don't come to your job and knock the dick out of your ass.

  Jon Stewart : Hank, are you on something?

  Hank Kingsley : A little bit.

• Hank Kingsley : You can blow me like everyone else on table... at your table.

  Phil : Are you on something?

  Hank Kingsley : A little bit.

• Hank Kingsley : Shut up and leave me alone, Phil. I'll come when I'm goddamn ready!

  Phil : Larry is waiting.

• Phil : I thought Carl Reiner was hosting Larry's roast.

  Hank Kingsley : No, that's not confirmed. But if I can prove to Artie that I can handle hecklers, he'll let me be the roast master.

  Phil : Here's the deal: someone says something to you, all you gotta do is to come back with a dick-related insult, that's it.

  Hank Kingsley : Give me an example.

  Phil : Guy says something and you say: "Oh, looks like so-and-so got his dick out of his mouth loud enough to speak up".

  Hank Kingsley : [laughs]  By so-and-so you mean the person heckling?

  Phil : Yes.

  Hank Kingsley : I better write this down. Oh what if the uh the heckler is a woman?

  Phil : Same thing, you talk about her dick. Makes them crazy.

• Arthur : Hank, we gotta bump you, buddy.

  Hank Kingsley : Oh why?

  Arthur : It's going way over, you know. I'm sorry sweetie. That's the way it is.

  Hank Kingsley : No way, no way, I mean I had to sit through their bullshit.

  Arthur : Keep your voice down, will ya?

  Hank Kingsley : No, I won't. You can bump me, you can bump me from the show but you can't shut me up. Oh man, fuck, fuck you Artie. Just fuck you, man.

  Arthur : Fuck me? Fuck you! You better calm down right now or I'll take you down.

  Hank Kingsley : Oh big man, big man with the threat. What you're gonna do? Why don't you take a swing at me?

  Arthur : Hank, I'm not gonna do that.

  Hank Kingsley : C'mon, you pussy. What don't you do it? C'mon. C'mon, big man. Go ahead big man.

  Arthur : Don't you push me.

  Hank Kingsley : C'mon, c'mon...

  Arthur : Listen... listen to me right now. You behave yourself or I'm gonna snap your neck like a butterbee.

  Hank Kingsley : Oh don't hurt me.

  [Arthur grabs Hank by his neck in front of the crowd] 

  Carl Reiner : That's Hank... Hank and Artie doing their mating dance.