- Larry: I'm telling you, I have a real problem. Twenty people could say they liked me, Artie, and I am telling you I'd still be thinking seventeen of them are lying. Two of them probably have severe emotional problems and one of them is probably confusing me with Larry King.
- Arthur: I've gotta say something that's gonna sound trite but it's also truth. As soon as you start liking yourself, you won't care what other people think.
- Larry: [laughing] Hey, then I'm totally fucked.