[first lines]
Billy: I used to come out here with an old Volvo headlamp, put it to me ear and listen to the universe.
Clegg: In Swedish?
Billy: Feel at one with nature.
Clegg: You feel at one with the ground being hard.
Truly: There's a hallowed police technique for calming unruly prisoners that used to make you feel quite close to nature.
Clegg: You never mentioned it at flower arranging.
Billy: And what did the universe used to say, tha must be wondering.
Truly: It used to say, "Who's that idiot with the Volvo headlamp?"
Clegg: "Oh, it's only Billy Hardcastle," it used to say, "earwigging again."
Billy: It used to say nowt, actually. Makes you wonder whether there's owt there.
Clegg: The question man has been asking since his time began: is there anything beyond the reach of a Volvo headlamp.