The Lieutenant (TV Series)

To Take Up Serpents (1963)

Steve Franken: Lt. Sam Panosian

Quotes 

• [relating to Bill's fear of flying] 

  Lt. Sam Panosian : I guess I had the normal whitening of the knuckles during takeoffs and landings, but my fingernails never actually pierced the upholstery.

• [over Panosian and Rice's objections, the buxom Maria grabs their heavy suitcases] 

  Maria : Oh no, don't bother. It helps to keep me in shape.

  Lt. Sam Panosian : By George, it does at that.

• Maria : Anything I may do for you?

  Lt. Sam Panosian : Ah, tell me a story.

  Maria : About what?

  Lt. Sam Panosian : About what a beautiful manager like you is doing in a place like this?

  Maria : I got it in a divorce settlement.

• [referring to Maria, the shapely manager of their motel] 

  Lt. Sam Panosian : Oh, non-o-non-o-ne-me! Did you dig that? It would only take nine of her to make a dozen. Divorce - well, no wonder. Marrying her would be bigamy!