- The Lone Ranger: Are you keeping out of trouble?
- Barnaby Boggs: Trouble? Oh, my friend. Since you showed me the ways of justice and honesty, trouble is a word completely foreign to my vocabulary. Oh, it's true at one time that I was a purveyor of snake oil medicines. And I have separated a few local yokels from their money playing the shell game. But now, my friend, I stand before you a model of justice, honesty, truth, and... Uh, how is our noble friend, Tonto?
- The Lone Ranger: [inspecting a pair of eyeglasses] Tell me, Barnaby. Is this another one of your questionable business ventures?
- Barnaby Boggs: Oh! Don't look through those, my friend. You'll put your eyes out.
- Barnaby Boggs: Neighbor, this is a legitimate business venture. I have studied the charts and the pamphlets from the optical company and, spurred on by the desire to help my fellow man, I have finally mastered the mysterious art of fitting eyeglasses.
- The Lone Ranger: Barnaby, you sound convincing. But I withhold my judgement because I've seen your operations in the past. They weren't so good.