- Charlie Hume: What happened?
- Mrs. Pynchon: Well, I was in the elevator and a spectacularly rude man blew cigar smoke in my face. We had words, and he presented me with his cigar! His slimy, half-smoked cigar!
- Charlie Hume: Gee, that's terrible. What did you do?
- Mrs. Pynchon: Well, I said to him - "I cannot rob you of the only thing in the world that lights up in your presence!"
- Lou Grant: [giggling] What a great come-back!
- Charlie Hume: That's telling him!
- Mrs. Pynchon: Well, unfortunately I was four floors away when I thought of it...
- Lou Grant: I reach for my laundry and this guy grabs a tire iron!
- Art Donovan: I don't blame him, Lou, I wouldn't want to get hit with your dirty laundry.
- Joe Rossi: And listen, if you have any problems finding anything, and I'm around, just stay away, ok?
- Art Donovan: [Lou is being ribbed about getting into a fight the day before] Well at least we kept it out of the paper.
- Mrs. Pynchon: [to a man in a crowded elevator who is smoking a cigar] Would you mind putting out that cigar?
- McPhee: The time it takes me to put it out, I'll be at my floor.
- Mrs. Pynchon: Indulge me.
- McPhee: Ease up, will ya, lady? This'll be over in no time.
- Mrs. Pynchon: You're breaking the law.
- McPhee: Do you own this elevator?
- Mrs. Pynchon: [haughtily] The elevator, the building, the block!
- Mrs. Pynchon, McPhee: Heh. Then this must be yours, too.
- [hands her the burning cigar and steps off the elevator]