Quotes
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : What's that you're wearing, Frank?
Maj. Frank Burns : Just my citation.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Citation, Gracie?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : That's a Purple Heart.
Maj. Frank Burns : Yeah. It's a Purple Heart.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : You were never wounded.
Maj. Frank Burns : I most certainly was!
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : When?
Maj. Frank Burns : During the sniper attack. A month ago. I got a shell fragment in my eye.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Hold the phone, Central! I'm the one who treated that eye. That was an EGGshell fragment!
Maj. Frank Burns : Nevertheless, it was the result of combat, and it's on my service record as "shell fragment."
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : You were breaking open a boiled egg and got nervous.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Those are for kids who really get shot up.
Maj. Frank Burns : I could have lost my eye!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Oh, yeah. There are hundreds of cases of losing an eye from a three-minute egg!
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Maj. Frank Burns : Oh, caramba! Don't tell me we're having two foreigners sleeping in here.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Frank, this is their country. We're the ones from out of town.
Maj. Frank Burns : Oh. Always attacking us and defending them. If you like it so much why don't you live here?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I DO live here, Frank. You know you really ought to see a proctologist about possible brain damage?