- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [reading from an Army manual, to three visiting Korean orphans] You sure you want more of this story? You really don't understand. You want more?
- [the children show their full attention]
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: You do want more. Okay. Here we go.
- [In a singsong, storyteller voice]
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: "Field stripping, cleaning and routine maintenance of Garand rifles, Section 22! Repeated disassembly and assembly causes excessive wear of parts and will eventually reduce the accuracy of the weapon. See Figure 57." Oh! Pictures and everything.
- [shows the pictures]
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: "To disassemble piece into above groups place butt against left thigh, sights to the left. With thumb and forefinger of right hand, pull downward and outward on rear of trigger guard. Swing trigger guard out as far as it will go and remove trigger housing assembly."
- [the children have fallen asleep. He tucks them in]
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: And so they lived happily ever after.
- Cpl. Maxwell "Max" Q. Klinger: Let us bow our heads in a silent prayer for the mother...
- Father Mulcahy: Kilnger, I thought you were an atheist.
- Cpl. Maxwell "Max" Q. Klinger: I gave it up for Lent.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: What's that you're wearing, Frank?
- Maj. Frank Burns: Just my citation.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Citation, Gracie?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: That's a Purple Heart.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Yeah. It's a Purple Heart.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: You were never wounded.
- Maj. Frank Burns: I most certainly was!
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: When?
- Maj. Frank Burns: During the sniper attack. A month ago. I got a shell fragment in my eye.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Hold the phone, Central! I'm the one who treated that eye. That was an EGGshell fragment!
- Maj. Frank Burns: Nevertheless, it was the result of combat, and it's on my service record as "shell fragment."
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: You were breaking open a boiled egg and got nervous.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Those are for kids who really get shot up.
- Maj. Frank Burns: I could have lost my eye!
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Oh, yeah. There are hundreds of cases of losing an eye from a three-minute egg!
- Maj. Frank Burns: Oh, caramba! Don't tell me we're having two foreigners sleeping in here.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Frank, this is their country. We're the ones from out of town.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Oh. Always attacking us and defending them. If you like it so much why don't you live here?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: I DO live here, Frank. You know you really ought to see a proctologist about possible brain damage?