"M*A*S*H" The Young and the Restless (TV Episode 1979) - Alan Alda as Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce

B.J. : [Reading] It's the latest issue of "Medical Dialogue"

Hawkeye : I'll save you the trouble, I know how it ends.

Hawkeye : Peter Pancreas marries the Princess Pelvis, they have a couple of kidneys and they liver happily ever after.

B.J. : You may be right, I'll look it up in the appendix.
Hawkeye : [Charles stumbles in drunk] Ahh, rose-nose! Welcome to skid row. Twenty cents a night - DT's included.

B.J. : Give him the binge rate. That's the third night he's come in this way.

Charles : [looks at Hunnicut] Brice,

[looks at Pierce]

Charles : Honeycomb...

B.J. : The rummy speaks!

Charles : Ruined! By a little twirp surgeon!

Hawkeye : Here we go again.

Charles : My life is going up in smoke!

Hawkeye : It will if you don't stop breathing on that stove!

Charles : Brilliant career, shot to smitheroons! That Potter's fault. First he keeps me here until my talents

[slur]

Charles : apt.private... And then he sends little Bobby Shaftnor to come here and

[slur]

Charles : humilna-nilnaliate me! I'll get even with him. Some day, he'll be older than I am, and

[slur]

Charles : 'n-I'll show him up!
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Next week, when that proctologist comes with his slideshow, you're excused.

Hawkeye : It's standing room only for that one.

Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce