- [first lines]
- Lt. Merriwether: Private Gillis! Private Krebs! At ease. Gentlemen, today is a proud day in the history of the United States Army. A glorious day, a day that will rank with Yorktown, with San Juan Hill, with V-E Day, with V-J Day. Gentlemen, speaking for the United States Army, indeed, for all America, I take excruciating pleasure in handing you your discharge.
- [now that they are honorably discharged from their Army duty, Dobie and Maynard discuss their future]
- Dobie Gillis: You've gotta stop screaming every time you hear the word 'work'.
- Maynard G. Krebs: *WORK!*
- Dobie Gillis: Maynard!
- Maynard G. Krebs: OK, good buddy. What kind of w-, w-... that terrible thing you said are we gonna do?
- Dobie Gillis: Employment, yeah. I don't know, uh, something in the executive line, maybe?
- Maynard G. Krebs: Oh, good thinkin', I mean the world is, like, cryin' for executives our age, I mean, especially with beards.
- Dobie Gillis: Oh, yeah. Well, how 'bout door-to-door salesman?
- Maynard G. Krebs: Dogs bite ya.
- Dobie Gillis: Gardener?
- Maynard G. Krebs: Mosquitoes bite ya.
- Dobie Gillis: Babysitter?
- Maynard G. Krebs: Babies bite ya.
- Dobie Gillis: Maynard... let's go back to the Army.