- Emmeline 'Lucia' Lucas: No strawberry bed shall be manured today or any other day until the garden looks less like a tramp who hasn't shaved for a month.
- Miss Elizabeth Mapp: I'm sorry, dear one, but I cannot possibly permit it. The ragtag and bobtail of Tilling passing through my house, tramping on my flower-beds, ruining the carpets...
- Emmeline 'Lucia' Lucas: The price of admission will be half a crown, all the doors to the rooms will be locked, and I am sure nobody in Tilling would be so ill-bred as to force them open.
- Emmeline 'Lucia' Lucas: My dear, you can get another parlour-maid.
- Georgie Pillson: Well, if it comes to that, Cadman can get another wife!
- Georgie Pillson: To think I've left her five hundred pounds in my will. Now I shall have to add a codicil, "If still in my employ".
- Emmeline 'Lucia' Lucas: But after you're dead, Georgie, you won't miss the five hundred pounds.
- Emmeline 'Lucia' Lucas: I find it a rather roundabout business to buy these figs at Twistevant's when I know they have been plucked in the garden here.
- Godiva 'Diva' Plaistow: But surely Elizabeth includes garden produce!
- Emmeline 'Lucia' Lucas: Oh no, dear, just flowers for the house. She sells the fruit and vegetables to Twistevant's.
- Godiva 'Diva' Plaistow: But I've let my house to her and included garden produce, because I thought she gave you hers!
- Emmeline 'Lucia' Lucas: No, dear, just flowers.
- Godiva 'Diva' Plaistow: So she's selling yours and eating mine.
- Emmeline 'Lucia' Lucas: My dear Elizabeth, I must beg of you not to call me "Lulu". Such a dreadful abbreviation. How would you like to be called "Liblib" or something like that?
- Miss Elizabeth Mapp: I have contracted all my garden produce to Mr Twistevant. The fruit is no longer mine.
- 'Quaint' Irene Coles: Perhaps you could let the Padre have some from Diva's garden, unless you've sold that too.