Married... with Children (TV Series)

Go for the Old (1993)

Katey Sagal: Peggy Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peggy Bundy : Daddy's in a mood. The cashier at the movie theatre thought he was 65.

  Al Bundy : Well, the cashier wouldn't have thought it if you hadn't said it, Peg.

  Peggy Bundy : Well, I had to, Al.

  [to Kelly and Bud] 

  Peggy Bundy : They raised the price of tickets to $7.00 and we didn't have enough money. So then I saw a sign that said, "Half price for senior citizens." So I called Daddy "Daddy."

• Al Bundy : You know what really upsets me is that the cashier didn't ask for my license. She didn't even want any ID or any proof. She just believed I was 65.

  Peggy Bundy : Well, what did you expect, honey? She saw a stooped-over prune of a man with a young dynamite chick.

  Kelly Bundy : Hey, who were you standing next to, Dad?

  Al Bundy : The Red Reaper.

• Bud Bundy : Where do old guys' heinies go?

  Peggy Bundy : To that strange, far-off, magical place called their bellies.

• Marcy D'Arcy : Jefferson and I could use a little help. We were watching this old movie on TV with this really great old actor, but neither of us could think of his name. So we decided to ask someone from an older generation. Al, in Holiday, who played Cary Grant's best friend?

  Al Bundy : How would I know? I'm not old. It was Edward Everett Horton.

  [to Peggy] 

  Al Bundy : And I know you're about to say "Who's he?", and you know damn well if you say it, I'll tell your real age.

  Peggy Bundy : Al, I wouldn't say anything to embarrass you.

  [to Marcy and Jefferson] 

  Peggy Bundy : He got into the movies as a senior citizen. They thought he was 65!

  Marcy D'Arcy : Really? I thought he was 70. Oh, you must mean IQ. Well, then, yes, he's definitely 65.

• Al Bundy : Oh, but, if I'm gonna try to fool people to thinking I'm old, I'll have to figure a way to cover up my sexuality.

  Peggy Bundy : What about one of those little round Band-Aids, Al?

  Al Bundy : [to the D'Arcys]  She's 60. There, I told.

• Peggy Bundy : [about Al]  Well, kids, can I get a "Whoa, asylum"?

• [about Al's invitation to the senior championship] 

  Peggy Bundy : Honey, you know, that's 10 events in two days. You can't even handle one event in two minutes.

  Al Bundy : [to Bud and Kelly]  Mom's 80.

• [Kelly, Peggy, and Bud watch Al race in the senior championship] 

  Kelly Bundy : Daddy's losing.

  Peggy Bundy : Well, be specific. His hair, his teeth, the race? What?

• Kelly Bundy : Hey, Mom, was Dad ever any good? I mean, he talks about it all the time, but was he ever really a great athlete?

  Peggy Bundy : Well, actually, kids, he was really something. I remember one play in particular. Everybody thought Daddy was really boxed in. So he threw a fake, broke four tackles, straight-armed a guy right in the teeth, and ran for daylight. It was the best run I'd ever seen. Actually, he'd still be running if my uncle hadn't clubbed him with the butt of his shotgun and dragged him back to the wedding. So, in answer to your question: Yes, he was a great athlete, but no, he was never any good.

• Al Bundy : All right, I quit. Can't beat those guys, anyway, they got the edge on me. Most of their wives are dead. You know, Peg, if you loved me, you'd be dead already too.

  Peggy Bundy : Yeah, if.

• Al Bundy : Oh, God, I hurt.

  Peggy Bundy : Honey, you should be pretty proud. After one full day's events, with men who, in some cases are twice your age, you're in 15th place.

• [Al recalls an old memory in his head] 

  Coach : All right, boys. We're down three touchdowns, we don't have a chance, so let's quit.

  Al Bundy : Quit?

  [slaps the coach] 

  Al Bundy : Sorry, coach, but I'm taking over now. Okay, you guys, you give me the ball and get out of my way. Al Bundy doesn't quit.

  [Al comes back to reality] 

  Al Bundy : Peg, wake up!

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, no, Al. Are you reliving when you slapped the coach and took over the team?

  Al Bundy : Peg, shut up.

• Peggy Bundy : Well, kids, he proved it to me last night, and I want the whole world to know: Your father is a quitter.

• Al Bundy : How am I doing?

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, honey, I can't believe it. You're in second place. Now there's one more event. The 1500-meter race. Win that and you take it all. Al, we are so proud of you. You're beating all the old men.

  Al Bundy : Beating them?

  [watches an old man being carried away] 

  Al Bundy : I'm killing them!

• [after a determined old man has a conversation with Al and leaves] 

  Peggy Bundy : Good luck, honey. You're gonna need it against that guy.

  Al Bundy : Do you think so? Yeah, sure, he does a lot of running, but stamina's my strong point.

  [Peggy makes a face, trying not to laugh] 

  Al Bundy : Well, no, not with you. With you, stamina's a bad thing. It prolongs the agony. I'm talking about something that excites a man... sports. But you know, winning means an awful lot to that old guy. So, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna run the race until I know I got it won. Then I'm gonna slow up and let him win because I'd have to be pretty pathetic to want glory bad enough to cheat an old man out of a victory he's dreamed of for years. See you at the finish line, baby.

  [Al runs off] 

  Peggy Bundy : Yeah, and if history has taught us anything, you'll be asleep by the time I get there.