Married... with Children (TV Series)

How Bleen Was My Kelly (1995)

Christina Applegate: Kelly Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kelly Bundy : Daddy, Bleen is not a shampoo. It's a bunch of deadly chemicals that I mixed together at the lab. It's possible that this tingling that you're feeling could be a massive stroke.

  Al Bundy : Either way, I thank you.

• Kelly Bundy : Okay, Bud, I think I found the antidote. Are you ready for the last test?

  Bud Bundy : Hell, I'm ready for the last rites.

• Kelly Bundy : [as Madame Curie]  Is that radium in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

• Kelly Bundy : So, what's your field?

  Scientist : Alcoradentology.

  Kelly Bundy : Oh, right. What's alcorothincology?

  Scientist : It's a study of that age old question: How much booze can a rat drink before he explodes?

  Kelly Bundy : Oh. Kennedy grant?

  Scientist : Exactly.

• Kelly Bundy : I got a part in a TV movie.

  Peggy Bundy : Well, who are you gonna play, honey?

  Kelly Bundy : Madame Curie. So to prepare for the part, I thought I'd get some firsthand experience of what it's like to be Madame. So does anyone know where there's a brothel around here?

  Bud Bundy : Well, there's Howie's down by the airport, but...

  [Kelly looks oddly at Bud, who looks back with great embarrassment] 

  Bud Bundy : I mean, uh, Madame Curie's not a hooker. No, she's a famous French chemist who discovered radium... down by the airport.

• Kelly Bundy : Now, what am I gonna do? I still have to research Madame Curie, but I don't know anything about skience.

  Bud Bundy : Kel, that's, uh, that's science, not skience. The C is silent.

  Kelly Bundy : Oh, I knew I should've stayed in... shool.

• Kelly Bundy : Mom, Dad, Bud. You'll never guess what I got.

  Bud Bundy : Well, a better game would be Guess What You Haven't Got. I'll take Virginity for 100, Alex.

  Kelly Bundy : Oh, that's funny. Nobody will take yours for less than a 1000.

• Bud Bundy : I got it, Kel, I got it. I'll set you up with this scientist I know over at the university. Now, all you have to do is pretend you're a professor.

  Kelly Bundy : Okay, but, I mean, I think I'd make a more convincing Ginger or Mary Ann, don't you think?

• Peggy Bundy : All right. Now, here's someone who might make less than your father. Eskimo blubber-chewer.

  [looks on the computer] 

  Peggy Bundy : Nope.

  Bud Bundy : Mm. Check, uh, French deodorant salesman.

  [Peggy types it in] 

  Peggy Bundy : Not even close.

  [Kelly comes home] 

  Kelly Bundy : Hey, guys. Today was my last day at the lab. It's a good thing too, 'cause there was nothing left to take. But you know what? I really got into my character. And, just like Madame Curie, I threw a bunch of cool, deadly chemicals together, and I invented something: The color bleed.

  Bud Bundy : Mom, check, uh, brain-dead blond.

  [Peggy looks it up] 

  Peggy Bundy : They make way more than your father.