- Jackie: [protesting the ninjas breaking up the porn movie set] I could have handled him. He does a good job breaking in the new girls.
- Makko: But I don't want this one broken in. Of all the girls you've sent us, she's the most special, aren't you my dear? And she has a very important father, haven't you, Arlene?
- Linda: Leave my father out of this.
- Jackie: I don't understand.
- Makko: Secrets, my dear Jackie, secrets.
- Jackie: What are you talking about, secrets?
- Makko: Senator John Weybourne. This girl's father is one of the most influential members of the United States Senate's Intelligence Committee. And she is going to be our little living goldmine... right up to the time we kill her.
- Mr. Lavender: Senator Weybourne's daughter has been kidnapped in Hawaii by the Yakuza. Familiar with them?
- Casey Collins: Sure, the Japanese equivalent of our Syndicate, only a lot more ruthless.
- Mr. Lavender: You got it. Now, according to Welbourne, the ransom demand is for two million dollars.
- Danny Doyle: What do we have to do with kidnapping? Isn't that FBI?
- Mr. Lavender: The two million dollars is a smokescreen. These Yakuza want to try their hand at espionage. They want classified information from Weybourne, and that's worth a lot more than two million dollars.
- Casey Collins: He's going to pass intelligence committee secrets as ransom?
- Mr. Lavender: He's gonna pass himself as ransom. The Yakuza gets a hold of him, debriefs him, they've got all the information that has gone through the committee.
- Danny Doyle: Great. We're gonna have to find that girl.
- Casey Collins: Terrific. And we have to pull it off with tourists.
- Mr. Lavender: Very special tourists this time, Casey. We usually recruit them for their particular skill. This time they'll have two.
- Casey Collins: [watching the beauty contest] Danny, put your tongue back in your mouth. Somebody might slip on it.
- Mr. Lavender: These are ninja, an elite corps of of killers that are employed throughout the Orient by the Yakuza. They're a criminal organizations so dangerous they think the Mafia is a law-and-order group.
- [laughter from assembled amateur agents]
- Mr. Lavender: No, I'm serious. Now, it's not often these death squads venture beyond Asia, but today, one of their top teams is waiting for us in Honolulu. They don't know you're coming. So, our team's mission is to prevent state secrets from falling into the hands of our country's enemies. And to do that, we have to locate and rescue this woman: Arlene Weybourne. Now, she's been kidnapped by these Yakuza white slavers because she's the daughter of Senator John Weybourne.
- Mr. Lavender: Alright, you two go back up on the building. I want a photograph of every room that wing. You can take it with this.
- [displays and passes Bronco a credit card-sized camera]
- Phil 'Bronco' Banacek Jr.: This is terrific! I could use this in a hot tub.
- Phil Banacek: My son the degenerate.
- Jackie: [Passing Mako a photograph] This baseball player checked in a little while ago and he's creating quite a stir downstairs.
- Makko: Steve Garvey. Our friends the ninjas would sell their souls to meet him. If they had souls.
- Jackie: I'm not into baseball.
- Makko: Steve Garvey played an exhibition game in Tokyo, and even the emperor came out to see him.
- Senator Weyburn: I'm not a traitor, Mr. Lavender, believe me. And they'll never get anything out of me.
- Mr. Lavender: Yes, they will, John. Whatever it takes - drugs, torture, brainwashing - you'll tell them what they want to know. Everybody breaks in the end.
- Mr. Lavender: I'm not gonna let you do it, you know that, don't you?
- Agent Watkins: What? What are you talking about?
- Mr. Lavender: What you did to the senator. You put enough explosives into his ear to put his head into orbit.
- Fifi Parker: [Fifi and friends sing "Happy Birthday" outside Steve Garvey's hotel door] Happy Birthday to you!
- Steve Garvey: I don't know what to say.
- Fifi Parker: Invite us in!
- Steve Garvey: Come on in! Let's have a party!
- Fifi Parker: [turns to a scowling Jackie Donner] What's the matter? You still a Dodger fan?