Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Owl Stretching Time (1969)

John Cleese: Voice Over #1, Janet, RSM Teaching Self-Defense, Man with Rustic Monologue, Stapleton the Bookseller

Photos 

Quotes 

• RSM Teaching Self-Defense : You, Mr. Tinned Peach!

  Mr. Thompson (Tinned Peach) : Thompson.

  RSM Teaching Self-Defense : Mr. Thompson, take this raspberry and come on! Be as vicious as you like with it!

  Mr. Thompson (Tinned Peach) : No.

  RSM Teaching Self-Defense : Why not?

  Mr. Thompson (Tinned Peach) : You'll shoot me.

  RSM Teaching Self-Defense : I won't.

  Mr. Thompson (Tinned Peach) : You shot Mr. Harrison.

  RSM Teaching Self-Defense : That was self-defense!

• Second Man in Self-defense class : [about the Self-Defense topic]  Can't we do something else for a change?

  Fourth man who is interested in pointed sticks : Like if someone attacks you with a pointed stick?

  RSM Teaching Self-Defense : Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Gettin' all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough, eh? Oh, oh, oh, oh. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, MY LAD! When you're walking home tonight and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come cryin' to ME!

• RSM Teaching Self-Defense : [as the two remaining students are stalking him with raspberrys]  Now, the first thing to do when you're being stalked by an ugly mob with raspberrys is to release the tiger!

  [Pulls a lever releasing a tiger after the students; RSM continues to speak] 

  RSM Teaching Self-Defense : The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that not only does he eat the raspberry-laden foe, but also the raspberry. The tiger, however, does not relish the peach. The peach assailant should be attacked with a crocidile.