- Lily Munster: Silly bird. When is he going to stop picking that mailmans bag?
- The Raven: Ne'er more, ne'er more.
- The Legionnaire Capt.: As a traitor to the French Foreign Legion for dereliction of duty and cowardice under fire, the prisoner is hereby sentenced to death before a firing squad of his former comrades in arms. A last cigarette, monsieur?
- Herman Munster: Oh, uh, yes, actually I would,thank you, if you have one with a charcoal micronite filter.
- Eddie Munster: Boy, mom, you sure have a lot of recipies here. Cesar salad, beef Stroganoff, Napoleon brandy, Bloody Mary.
- Lily Munster: Yes Eddie, and at one time or another, they were all friends of the family.
- Lily Munster: That's a good boy, Eddie. You polish Spotty's scales 'till you can see your face in them.
- Grandpa: Where is the, eh, poor innocent victim?
- Marilyn Munster: Uncle Herman came home a couple of minutes ago. took one look at that telegram, the green completely drained out of his face, he ran up to his room and hid in the closet.
- Grandpa: [sighs] Problems, problems, problems. Sometimes I wish I were back in the old country, where my biggest worry was who to put the bite on for three square meals a day.
- Grandpa: [reading Herman's goodbye note] Goodbye forever. I can never raise 20.000 dollars, so I'm doing the noble thing by running away like a rotten coward.
- Lily Munster: P.S. If someday my miserable bones are washed up on a desert island, do not bother to send for them, as they won't be worth the parcel post charges. Signed Herman Munster, ratfink.
- Lily Munster: [jumping in front of Herman who is facing a firing squad] Shoot if you must this square, green head, but you'll have to kill me first, she said.
- Lily Munster: So you see Herman, when that woman hit you with her car, she thought she disfigured you.
- Herman Munster: Well I just don't understand it, it was the same handsome face I've had all my life.
- Lily Munster: It's like I always say: you should never leave the house without shaving.