- Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Jessica, this is a small town. Very small town. The tongues wag like puppy dogs' tails.
- Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Well, look, perhaps you could take some time off, have a bit of lunch.
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: If I could take time off, I'd go to the bathroom.
- [Sheriff Tupper is sleeping on the couch. He is awoken by the telephone]
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: [getting up; grouchily] Oh, for Pete's sake!
- [He gets up, trips on a coffee table, and heads for the phone]
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: Okay, okay, okay...
- [He answers the phone; thinking it's his new deputy or his sister]
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: [sarcastic] Well, it's about time you called!
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: [pause] Oh... Sorry, I thought you were someone else. What? Elmo? Elmo's asleep.
- [pause]
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: [annoyed] No, I won't wake him! I'd rather throw a lit match into a gasoline tank!
- [pause]
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: Hey, there's no reason to talk to me this way.
- [pause]
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: Who am I? I'm Sheriff Tupper, that's who! Who in the blazes are you?
- [the anonymous caller hangs up, Sheriff looks flabbergasted and confused]
- Sheriff Amos Tupper: [to his new deputy who is holding up a gun] Will you put that thing down before you hurt yourself?
- [first lines]
- Winnie Tupper Banner: Taxi?
- Ralph: Uh, yeah. Where to?
- Winnie Tupper Banner: The sheriff's office, please.