Quotes
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Michael : You'll never guess what I've just seen on the internet.
Ben : Let's see, adolescent boy, internet, big smile on face... I don't want to know.
Michael : No, listen, I've just found out this is an unhappy house.
Ben : Really, it took you fifteen years to find out?
Michael : No, no, it's officially an unhappy house. I found this local history site when I was searching for my project, and it says this place is cursed. Everyone who's ever lived here has had terrible misfortune.
Ben : Can't you ever just stumble upon a hardcore porn site like any normal teenager?
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[During an exorcism by Nick and Micheal at Abi's request, a sleeping Ben is sprayed with holy water ,in fact tap water, by Nick and is threatened by Micheal with a hammer and wooden stake]
Ben : This house has gone insane.
Abi : That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Ben : [to Abi] You, you're unhinged.
[to Micheal]
Ben : You, you're demented.
[to Nick]
Ben : You, you're just you.
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Nick : Dad, I'm going to need some money to buy petrol.
Ben : No, you don't. You haven't got a car to put petrol in.
Nick : Yes, I have - yours. I'm using it as a minicab.
Ben : Why don't you buy your own petrol?
Nick : Why should I? It's your car.
Ben : Susan, I'm sorry. I can't talk to him. Would you say something to him?
Susan : OK. Nick, can you give me a lift to the office?
Nick : Pleasure, mum. Would that be family rate or senior citizen?
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Jocelyn, Dental Assistant : Your 9 o'clock's here, Mr Harper.
Ben : Never mind that. I'm busy... being duped.
Jocelyn, Dental Assistant : You're not busy!
Ben : And I'm not listening, so there!
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Susan : I'm sorry, Ben, but I'm... I'm petty.
Ben : I, er... I don't know what to say, Susan.
Susan : Well, I'm not very proud of myself.
Ben : I mean, why be petty with him? You've got me to be petty with!
Susan : I know. And I'm very petty with you! And it's good! It's really good! But with Kirk, it's... it's different.
Ben : Don't I give you enough opportunities? Good God, woman! I let you be petty with me at least, what, nine, ten times a day! That should be enough for any normal wife! But not you, Susan! No, you know what you are? You're... you're insatiable!
Susan : I know.
Ben : I just want you to put a stop to this right now!
Susan : OK, Ben. I'm sorry. I'll keep all my petty, vindictive, mean-spirited impulses just for you, from now on!
Ben : Good! Good! Can we put this whole Kirk saga behind us, yeah?
Susan : Yes. Providing you never wear your socks again in bed.
Ben : Oh, you drive me wild, you petty little minx!