- Earl: [voiceover] Quittin' smokin' is kinda like going to prison. If you can last three days, you'll be fine. Me and Donny's mom tried everything. We listened to the tapes, then we tried the patches, then we heard somewhere to try carrot sticks. We tried it, but we couldn't get the damn things to light.
- Gun Store Owner: There's a three-day ID check on all guns.
- Joy: Land of the free, my ass - what can I bring outta here today that done kill somebody?
- Gun Store Owner: Anything in aisle four.
- Earl: [voiceover] Joy knew that video is the only thing close to a will I have, and normally she's not violent, but money makes people crazy.
- Earl: I was gonna focus on quitting smoking. But it turns out quitting smoking is stressful. And when I'm stressed-out, I smoke.
- Donny Jones: If you'll excuse me, I've got to help a prayer buddy in the garage. When he showed up I thought he was speaking in tongues, but turns out he was just back on the stuff.
- Earl: So you're all churched up now, huh. Good for you. Giving up all that hurting people.
- Donny Jones: Turn the other cheek now.
- Earl: And you got a tattoo of the Red Sea to prove it.
- Donny Jones: Wanna see it now.
- [he goes to pull down his pants]
- Earl: No, I'm still gonna pass on that.