- Crow: [the macho names they invent for the films hero] Slab Bulkhead!
- Tom Servo: Fridge Largemeat!
- Mike Nelson: Punt Speedchunk!
- Crow: Butch Deadlift!
- Crow: Bold Bigflank!
- Mike Nelson: Splint Chesthair!
- Mike Nelson: Flint Ironstag!
- Crow: Bolt Vanderhuge!
- Mike Nelson: Thick McRunfast!
- Crow: Buff Drinklots!
- Tom Servo: Trunk Slamchest!
- Crow: Fist Rockbone!
- Mike Nelson: Stump Beefknob!
- Tom Servo: Smash Lampjaw!
- Crow: Punch Rockgroin!
- Mike Nelson: Buck Plankchest!
- Crow: Stump Chunkmen!
- Tom Servo: Dirk Hardpeck!
- Mike Nelson: Rip Steakface!
- Tom Servo: Crud Bonemeal!
- Mike Nelson: Brick Hardmeat!
- Crow: Rip Slabcheek!
- Tom Servo: Bob Johnson! No wait...
- Mike Nelson: Smoke Manmuscle!
- Mike Nelson: Big McLargeHuge!
- Mike Nelson: You know a lot of people have compared this scene to the climatic charriot scene from Ben-Hur? Yeah, they usually say, "Ben-Hur was really good! This movie totally sucks."
- [after Space Mutiny finally ends]
- Mike Nelson: Boo! Boo!
- Tom Servo: Man, a retarded jellyfish could make a better movie than this!
- Crow: A severely impaired box turtle with a very busy schedule, just give him a camera for a day, he'd come up with something better than this.
- [Dave Ryder and Leah are chasing Kalgon in golf-carts]
- Crow: Put your helmet on, we'll be reaching speeds of *three*!
- Kalgan: I'm going to use this laser on your teeth. It's similar to ancient dentistry, not that you'd know anything about that.
- Tom Servo: You're too stupid to know anything about dentistry.
- Leena: You bastard!
- Mike Nelson: How dare you insult my knowledge of ancient dentistry!
- [Mystical chanting is heard in the background]
- Mike Nelson: So, we've got some Benedictine monks in the floorboards, unfortunately. We have set some traps with fresh bread and brandy though.
- [the camera pans over a character that died in the previous scene]
- Mike Nelson: Hey... Hey, she's dead! She died!
- Tom Servo: Wow...
- Captain Devers: Sir...
- Crow: I think it's very nice of you to give that dead woman another chance!
- Ryder: It's gonna blow! It's gonna blow!
- Tom Servo: If the first few minutes are any indication, this whole movie's gonna blow!
- [first lines]
- Mike Nelson: Hey, everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love. You know, since we are stuck in orbit over Ancient Rome, I thought it might be a good time to teach the 'bots a little something about history.
- Tom Servo: [Kalgan runs over Lea Jansen] *That* was for not knowing anything about ancient dentistry!
- Wussy commander: This is mutiny! This is treason! Which I warn you I must report!
- Crow: I just need to wet myself first!
- Commander Jansen: My father and his father before him...
- Mike Nelson: Also taped wool to their faces.
- Captain Devers: [referring to another character] Sir, we both know there's only one man here who's capable of combat. A man who's had training, both physically and mentally.
- Commander Jansen: Alright.
- Crow: [as Jansen] Fetch me my warrior muumuu.
- David Ryder: Listen, uh, I understand how you feel.
- Tom Servo: That's DOCTOR Listen Uh I Understand How You Feel!
- Crow: Oh, hey, Mike, uh, I'm a Bellerian.
- Mike Nelson: Sure looks that way, doesn't it?
- Crow: Yep. I just found out, and you know it's weird. It explains so much about me, about who I am, where I came from, what motivates me and such.
- Mike Nelson: Well, sure. I mean, you're a Bellerian.
- Crow: Yep. Why, don't I look like one, or--?
- Mike Nelson: No, sure. You do.
- Crow: I mean, I've got to be a Bellerian, otherwise I wouldn't be dressed like this. Gosh, am I a Bellerian? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have to be. Yep, yep, I'm a Bellerian. Oh, hell, am I? I-- No, no, no, I am a Bellerian. I am. Mm-hm.
- [there's a party in the ship's bridge, which looks more like an office cubicle farm]
- Mike Nelson: Alright, we just got ISO 9001 certified!
- [Actors from the movie chase one another in the Enforcers]
- Mike Nelson: Hey you know, I read that this scene is often compared to the chariot scene from "Ben-Hur."
- Tom Servo: Oh really?
- Mike Nelson: Yeah, they usually say, ""Ben-Hur" was really good. This movie totally sucked."
- [a chase scene ensues on lethargic go-karts]
- Mike Nelson: Put your helmet on; we'll be reaching speeds of 3.