- Jimmy: I got so many lawyers standin' in line to see me now, you'd think I had tobacco leakin' out of my breast implants.
- Bill: I get a ticket, I pay it. You get a ticket, *you* pay it. They get a ticket, they don't pay no ticket! That's why these free-loading foreign diplomats should be dragged from their cars and beaten, like the renegade outlaws they are!
- Bill: Wake up, Manhattan! Wake up, Brooklyn! Wake up... the other three boroughs! These people, with names you need a calculator to pronounce, have got their hands in your pockets - and I say it's time we cut them off at the wrist.
- Lisa Miller: Matthew couldn't even go to the bathroom by himself.
- Dave: Yes, he could.
- Lisa Miller: No, he couldn't.
- Dave: He couldn't?
- Lisa Miller: No.
- Joe Garrelli: Hey, Beth - is your, uh, computer...
- Beth: Don't speak, Joe! We're being watched.
- Joe Garrelli: I know.
- Beth: You know?
- Joe Garrelli: Absolutely. We're just like rats in a Habitrail to them. We are part of an experiment so enormously complex, our puny brains can't even begin to comprehend it.
- Beth: I'm not talking aliens, Joe.
- Joe Garrelli: People are watching us? You're paranoid.
- Bill: I told you to leave well enough alone, but no! You had to play the big shot! And now a perfectly happy, healthy young man with a bright future is dead!
- Lisa Miller: Bill, this guy was obviously crippled by mental illness!
- Bill: You're obviously crippled by mental illness!
- Lisa Miller: I would like to say I accept full responsibility for what happened here today.
- Jimmy: Well, that's very noble of you, Lisa, but this isn't the Bay of Pigs.
- Dave: And Bill certainly isn't President Kennedy.
- Bill: I take that as a compliment - because if I *was* him, I'd be dead right now.
- Lisa Miller: You know what your problem is, Dave?
- Dave: Uh, no.
- Lisa Miller: You are like one of those diseased fish, at the pet store, that has to be kept in its own little separate tank all by itself. The only problem is, you're still with the other fish.
- Bill: Lisa sets a funny example.
- Lisa Miller: Thank you.
- Bill: And just because we don't all follow her example and sleep with Dave... I'm just horsin' around!
- Bill: Does Dave yell out anything peculiar during the highest moment of pleasure? I'm talking, of course, about the moment when he beats you at Scrabble.