Peter Keleghan: Jim Walcott

Quotes 

• Alex : I just don't think it's such a good idea, you know, your first night back, that you mention the 16 year-old prostitute.

  Jim Walcott : Oh, come on, I was big on CNN for that story...

  Alex : Well, you're lucky that a deal was struck and that there were enough lawyers contradicting one another that there wasn't a clear cut picture of what really happened, or else you wouldn't have a job here.

  Jim Walcott : Tell me about it. I watched CNN wall to wall on this one. Who knows who was telling the truth.

  Alex : Well, you knew the truth. You were the guy.

  Jim Walcott : You know this was like O.J. No one knew who did what.

  Alex : It was your story. It was about you. You were the O.J. You didn't need CNN. You knew the truth.

  Jim Walcott : Oh, I see what you mean. I didn't need CNN to tell me...

  Alex : That you were the guy with the hooker.

  Jim Walcott : Yeah! I was the O.J.!

  Alex : You were the O.J.

• Jim Walcott : [Jim Walcott is co-hosting an American morning talk show. He's winding down a cooking segment, and has just tasted a recipe for Louisiana baked ribs. He obssessively brings up the troops fighting the war in Iraq throughout the course of the talk show]  Mmmm! Louisiana ribs. Fantastic! I sure our fighting me in the Middle East would give their right arm for ribs like these. Gives me an idea. We should give this recipe to our guys overseas, slaughter a goat, add some of this marinade, cook it up, and maybe the terrorists will smell it, and realize what they're missing in trying to destroy the greatest country on the face of this planet.

• Jim Walcott : That's God with a "G". The God I call, "The Good-guy God"!

• Jim Walcott's agent : This is about the U.S. market, James. They love you. Do you know how many Canadians have been picked up by American news shows?

  Jim Walcott : Oh, jeez. Jennings.

  Jim Walcott's agent : Peter Jennings.

  Jim Walcott : Keith Morrison.

  Jim Walcott's agent : Every American news show has been standing around Jim Walcott. They are like dogs with money, and you are the only fire hydrant in town. They love you because you project intelligence. Know what I'm saying?

  Jim Walcott : Yeah. Up here the dogs just piss on you. In the states they piss on you, but they pay to piss on you.

  Jim Walcott's agent : Exactly, and people will pay big money to piss on Jim Walcott, because they can smell the integrity. I got them to lift up their legs, they're just waiting for us to say "yes". What do you say?

  Jim Walcott : I say let the dogs piss away.

• Jim Walcott : [Jim Walcott is in his hotel room, soliciting phone sex]  I've never really done this phone thing before and, I just saw your add and I was curious. It's more just research on my part. But... could you say that again... the part where you are stranded... and you're a complete stranger, but you knock on my door... and you have to use my shower... and you take off all your clothes... and then you catch me...

  [interrupted by the person on the other line] 

  Jim Walcott : What... credit card expired... I gave you that... 02/05.