- Maurice J. Minnifield: Is it me or has the whole world gone stark staring mad? "Mrs Patricia Hillman requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of her son Eric Reese Hillman to Ronald Arthur Bantz."
- Chris Stevens: Arthur? I didn't know he had a middle name.
- Maurice J. Minnifield: Boy, this whole farce makes a mockery of the covenant of marriage.
- Chris Stevens: What are you gonna wear?