- Julie Cooper: [Julie is in love with her veterinarian employer, and Schneider brings in a turtle as an excuse to talk to him] Schneider, what are you doing here?
- Dwayne F. Schneider: I got a sick turtle.
- [with difficulty, he takes the turtle out of his jacket pocket]
- Julie Cooper: Since when have you had a turtle?
- Dwayne F. Schneider: Well, it's - actually, I just bought him. Came with a guarantee. Hundred years or a hundred yards, whichever comes first.