- Tim Smith: Hey, Nathan, what do you think? Thai? Mexican? Chinese is always good...
- Haley James: Tim, you just ate. How is it possible that you're still hungry?
- Tim Smith: I'm not ordering food, i'm ordering strippers.
- Lucas 'Luke' Scott: [after 'Dim' Tim opens the door to him and looks disappointed] What's wrong with Dim?
- Nathan Scott: Don't take it personally, he thought you were the stripper.
- Lucas 'Luke' Scott: We prefer to be called exotic dancers.
- Tim Smith: Dude, smell me.
- Nathan Scott: Dude, kiss my ass.
- Tim Smith: No, seriously. I wanna smell nice for the... talent that's coming over.
- Nathan Scott: Tim, just say the stripper.
- Tim Smith: Fine, the stripper. Alright... Which one makes me smell available? I've got "Flesh" on this side and this "Frink" stuff on this side.
- Nathan Scott: That's not mine.
- Tim Smith: Well, it was in your bathroom.
- Haley James: [walks in] Oh, Tim, what are you doing with my perfume?
- [takes it]
- Tim Smith: She's here! Stripper time!
- [Runs to open the door. Lucas stands behind it]
- Tim Smith: Oh, it's just you.
- Lucas 'Luke' Scott: Not the thrill it used to be, huh?
- Tim Smith: [to Nathan] Are you sure you know this guy?
- Nathan Scott: He works with me at Hot & Twisted
- [pretzel stand at the mall]
- Nathan's colleague: Great, even the losers don't know me.
- Tim Smith: Just read the damn quiz.
- Nathan's colleague: [sigh] When your boyfriend kisses you, he a:...
- Lucas 'Luke' Scott: What the hell are you reading?
- Tim Smith: Cosmo Girl, go on...
- Nathan's colleague: When your boyfriend kisses you, he a: looks deeply into your eyes, b: closes his eyes, c: cradles your head softly, d: unhooks your bra.
- Tim Smith: It's D, it's definitley D. You go for the bra.
- Nathan Scott: Now, Tim, you realise you're supposed to be answering as a girl?
- Tim Smith: I know, and i'd want a boyfriend who isn't afraid to go under my shirt!
- Lucas 'Luke' Scott: And hopefully someday you'll find him.
- Skills: I still can't believe you pulled off this keg, dawg.
- 'Mouth' McFadden: Well, you can thank Brooke and the fake ID she made.
- Fergie Thompson: Tell the truth, you get with that or what?
- 'Mouth' McFadden: A gentleman never tells.
- Skills: Man, that's just "Mouth" for NO!
- Tim Smith: Oh, sweet, they're in costume. Did my brother deliver or what?
- Officer Bernstein: We witnessed a keg being brought up to his apartment? Are you boys of age?
- Officer Grasso: Let's see some ID.
- Tim Smith: Let's see some hot girl!
- [Tim smacks the officer's ass. They grab his arms and push him up against a window]
- Tim Smith: Damn these strippers are strong! I can feel your breasts against my back!
- Officer Bernstein: Better yet! Forget the keg. Arrest the perv.
- Tim Smith: Ow! You're hurting me! Does that cost extra?
- Nathan Scott: Tim, I'm married.
- Tim Smith: Right. You keep telling yourself that. But that ring doesn't erase your past, Nate. Some of us still remember who you used to be.
- Haley James: Isn't that what it's all about? If we're not out there looking for the one we wanna be with forever than what are we doing?
- Haley James: Champagne? How much is that gonna cost?
- Brooke Davis: Who cares? It's on my dad's credit card!
- Peyton Sawyer: People are going to disappoint you. I get that. I kind of expect that. But, what if you wake up one day and realize you're the disappointment?
- Nathan Scott: Need some help?
- Haley James: Nope. Just straightening up for your party.
- Nathan Scott: Haley, you don't need to. It's just the guys. They've seen it like this. In fact, they made it like this.
- Haley James: Oh, I don't mind. Besides, if we're gonna have a skanky hoe in the place at least it should look nice. I'm kidding. Sort of. Maybe.
- Nathan Scott: Haley, this bachelor party is more for Tim than it is for me, okay? He's threatened by the fact that Lucas threw us the reception so this is just his way of proving that he's still my best friend.
- Haley James: Yeah, what's next, uh, lap dances for world peace?