- [first lines]
- Jimmy Crown: All right, so I'm bad. I'm a bad man. I don't mind that at all! In fact, Mrs. Morris, I kind of like the idea. You know, like making your life a movie or a TV show. You know why I do that, Mrs. Morris? Because I love the villain - Eddie G., Cagney - guys like that.
- Jo Morris: Eddie G and Cagney were acting, Mr. Crown. You're living this part for real.
- Jimmy Crown: Sure I am. Real villains are, uh, are people who choose to be bad. I've chosen. If you can't be famous, be infamous.
- Jimmy Crown: I run the cab city in this city, Mrs. Morris - me, Jimmy Crown. There's no room for independents. You understand? No room!
- Jo Morris: I understand.
- Jimmy Crown: That's good. It makes me very happy. Though I know this is going to be very cliché and all, but I don't want you to ever forget what I just said. Elf, Gator...
- Jo Morris: Aw, no. You don't have to do this. You've won.
- Jimmy Crown: Yes I do, Mrs. Morris. It's part of the scene
- [Crown's goons proceed to destroy Mrs. Morris' cabs with their sledge hammers]
- John Grail: Well, here we are, at your service. What can we do for you?
- Sarah Morris: I need some heroes - right away.
- [the Morrises have just hired to Double Eagle Detective Agency to fight Crown and his henchmen]
- Jo Morris: Why do I feel like we're going from the frying pan to the fire?
- Sarah Morris: I like 'em.
- Jo Morris: Mm-hmm.
- Sarah Morris: They're so...
- Jo Morris: Different, eccentric, maybe crazy... and kind of sweet for such rough-lookin' men.
- Sarah Morris: Yeahhh - especially big Mr. Pike, huh, Mama?
- Jo Morris: Now don't you start stirrin' up one of your romances for me. I have been on my own for three years and I have been perfectly happy...
- Sarah Morris: [grinning mischievously] If you say so.
- [Billy has just delivered a baby in the backseat of his taxi]
- Billy Pike: That wasn't too bad, was it, ma'am? Just like a mare and a foal, except easier - he ain't got no hooves.
- [the Double Eagle detectives have just thrashed Crown and his goons in a fistfight]
- John Grail: Mr. Crown, you and these big, tough fellas are allowed to leave now.
- [Crown glares at Grail]
- John Grail: Ohh, I know - you'll kill us if it's the last thing you do.
- Harland Pike: Yeah, we're probably never to going to see another sunrise.
- Billy Pike: Our bones will bleach in the Badlands.
- Wolf Lucas: We'll pay like we never paid before.
- Isaiah 'Ice' McAdams: Don't forget, "Get out of town by sundown."
- John Grail: Scat.
- [John and Maggie have just had a quarrel]
- Harland Pike: John, I don't know... *Women*.
- Billy Pike: Can't live with 'em.
- Wolf Lucas: Can't live without 'em.
- Isaiah 'Ice' McAdams: You gotta do both.