Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous

Quotes 

• Balki Bartokomous : She's all over me like a wet T-shirt!

• Larry Appleton : What's going on here?

  Balki Bartokomous : Are you blind?

• Balki Bartokomous : Cousin, don't think I don't appreciate it because I do! And the future woman of my dreams thanks you, too! Because thanks to you she be able to spend her wedding night the way it was meant to be... with a husband who has absolutely no idea of what he's doing.

• Balki Bartokomous : When do you think Olivia will hit the fan?

• Balki Bartokomous : When you're alone with a woman and she say that she want to come over to your house to see your tapestry, does that mean what I think it means?

  Larry Appleton : Welllll... could mean she's just interested in tapestries.

  Balki Bartokomous : Okay... what about if you're alone with a woman and she kiss you so hard that your eyeballs roll back up into your head?

  Larry Appleton : That means what you think it means.

• Larry Appleton : [telling Balki about his idea for an article on neigborhoods losing their ethnic character]  What do you think... Is Chicago Disappearing?"

  Balki Bartokomous : Well, I... I don't know. When you work in a basement you miss so much.

• Olivia Crawford : Ah, from the Mediterranean, right?

  Balki Bartokomous : Well, actually you go to the Mediterranean and turn left.

  Olivia Crawford : Well of course you do. With a face like that you can turn any way you want!