- Balki Bartokomous: You better start respecting Cousin Larry.
- Mr. Donald 'Twinkie' Twinkacetti: Oh, but I do, turnip! I respect Cousin Larry just as much as I respect... Cousin Moe and Cousin Curly.
- Balki Bartokomous: Cousin... why you didn't introduce me to the rest of the family?
- Larry Appleton: I forgot.
- Balki Bartokomous: What do you think? I just fell off the turnip truck? Well, I didn't! I jumped off with my own two feet!
- Larry Appleton: [realizing he can't make coffee] I... I... I have to have coffee to... to cope... to exist... I need it to, uh... to, uh... to... what do you call that when you make up things in your mind? Think!
- Larry Appleton: [speaking about Twinkacetti] The man is lying. He has no grandmothers, he probably sold them
- Balki Bartokomous: Cousin Larry can be the leader
- Susan Campbell: Larry, you'd be perfect!
- Jennifer: Yes, Larry, you reek of leadership.
- Larry Appleton: Really?
- [smiles]
- Larry Appleton: Well, maybe I do... reek a little.
- Balki Bartokomous: Cousin, who's kidding who? You reek all the time!
- Larry Appleton: We could band together. If enough people want to change something they can. We stopped the war... we got women the vote... we came that close to getting Daylight Savings Time all year round.
- Balki Bartokomous: But Cousin, Mr. Twinkacetti is a land owner, we're just lowly common peasants.
- Larry Appleton: Balki, this is a democracy. We're all created equally lowly and common.