- Dr. Sam Beckett: And what earthshaking story are you working on?
- Jani Eisenberg: Gas stations that promise full service but don't deliver.
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Now there's a national emergency.
- [Sam - as Roberto - has been head-butted during one of his talk shows]
- Earl Skinner: How's the bean? Still in one piece?
- Dr. Sam Beckett: Okay. Yeah.
- Earl Skinner: Good, huh? Hey... hey, maybe you could do it again tomorrow. That'd be killer.
- Admiral Al Calavicci: This is Earl Skipper. He's the station manager and the news director.
- Earl Skinner: We should capitalize on this thing - you know, play it for all it's worth. Maybe we could even build a few shows around it, huh?
- Jani Eisenberg: I'll tell you what. Why don't you lie down in the parking lot and I'll accidentally back over you with my car? Probably we can get a whole week out of that.
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Uh-oh.
- Dr. Sam Beckett: Uh-oh? Is this your "Uh-oh, things are getting worse", or is this your "Uh-oh", that now I've changed history, and things are really gonna get horrible?
- Jani Eisenberg: You know, if we had those glasses you can get in the back of comic books, we could look through these walls with our X-ray vision.
- Dr. Sam Beckett: I could never get mine to work.
- Jani Eisenberg: That's because all the girls' dresses were specially treated.