Queer as Folk (TV Series)
No Bris, No Shirt, No Service (2000)
Peter Paige: Emmett Honeycutt
Quotes
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Emmett Honeycutt : Isn't he gorgeous? His name is Katsuo.
Katsuo : [holding a glass of juice in his hand] Jews?
Emmett Honeycutt : No, no, no.
[pointing at the Jewish people at the brisk]
Emmett Honeycutt : Jews.
[pointing at the glass]
Emmett Honeycutt : Juice. Okay?
[Emmett turns to Michael.]
Emmett Honeycutt : He gives "Pacific Rim", a whole new meaning.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Where did you find him?
Emmett Honeycutt : He found me. I was having drinks in the losers lounge. He comes over, starts chattering away. Only he doesn't speak any English and the only Japanese I know is "Sony" and "Toyota".
Michael : So how do you communicate with him?
Emmett Honeycutt : There's other ways than talking.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : We all know it's not polite to talk with your mouth full.
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Katsuo : [Katsuo talks away in Japanese.] Kane. Kane.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : ...Yeah, okay, alright. Let's go ask Melanie. She's fluent in sushi. Come, come, come, come.
[guiding him to Melanie]
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : [talking to someone on camera] Ha-ha... Okay, have a bagel.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Mel. Hi, Mel. Okay, and cut. Great! Look, we need you to translate.
[to Katsuo]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Talk to Melanie. Melanie speak all Axis Powers.
[Katsuo begins to tell his story while Melanie listens.]
Michael : He keeps saying "Kane".
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Yeah...
[pulling Michael away from Katsuo]
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : "Kane" is money! He's saying he expects Emmett to pay him.
Michael : For what?
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : He's a God damned male prostitute!
Michael : Oh, shit!
Katsuo : [Emmett walks over to Katsuo before Michael could stop him.] Kane!
Emmett Honeycutt : Come, come, sweetie.
Michael : Melanie says, "Kane" means...
[long pause]
Michael : ..."love". He says he loves your voice. It's like a silent wind chime, and your smile is like cherry blossoms floating on a still breeze.
Emmett Honeycutt : That... That is... That is the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever said to me.
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Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : This is Rabbi Protesh. He'll be doing the brisk.
Emmett Honeycutt : Oh, I love pot roast.
[Rabbi Protesh laughs.]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : That's "brisket"! I believe in the Jewish faith the "brisk" is a circumcision ceremony.
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Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny : Okay, boys, what'll it be?
Emmett Honeycutt : Nothing for me, thanks.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny : Em, honey, you should try to eat some of your protein off a plate!
Emmett Honeycutt : I read, that, that for every thirty pounds you lose, you gain an entire inch of cock.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny : So, if you just dropped another ninety pounds, you'll have a four-inched pecker!
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Emmett Honeycutt : Time to organize a search party.
Michael : Who's missing?
Emmett Honeycutt : Katsuo! I was talking to Dungeon Master Don, who wants to mummify me. Have you noticed that the world's getting weirder? Anyway, I turned around, and he was gone.
Michael : I have a feeling he'll be alright.
Emmett Honeycutt : He doesn't speak a word of English! And... and he's so sweet, so innocent. What if some hot, hungry queen tries to have his way with it?
Brian : I thought you already did.
Michael : He's around somewhere. Im sure you'll find him.
Emmett Honeycutt : Thanks.
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Emmett Honeycutt : [to Mel on the phone] How do you say "tacky little cocksucker" in Japanese?
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Emmett Honeycutt : The worst part is not that he's unfaithful, or even a slut. I mean, nobody's perfect. It's that he said he loved me. I mean, he lied to me!
Brian : How could he lie to you? He doesn't speak English!
Michael : Look, I'm the one who told you that. I'm sorry.
Emmett Honeycutt : My own fault. Why do I always give my heart away to trash, huh?
Brian : Because you want to see it in the dumpster?
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Emmett : What... I can be a... a real man if I wanted to. You know... just lower my voice, stop... gesturing with my hands, make sure my face is expressionless, never, *never* use words like, like 'fabulous' or 'divine'. Talk about... I don't know,
[deepens his voice]
Emmett : nailing bitches and RBI's. But I rather my flame burn bright! Than some puny little pilot light.