Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Emohawk: Polymorph II (1993)

Hugh Quarshie: Computer

Quotes 

• Computer : Property Corps Space removing and, equipment Corps Space damaging, ships Corps Space of series a looting with charged formally are you.

  Kryten : The materialisation must have scrambled its voice unit. It's making as much sense as a Japanese VCR instruction manual.

  Computer : Plead you do how?

  Rimmer : It's in reverse. "How do you plead?"

  The Cat : How do we plead to what?

  Kryten : It's charging us with looting Space Corps derelicts.

  Lister : But we don't loot Space Corps derelicts. We just hack our way in and swipe what we need!

  Rimmer : Lister, if this goes to trial, I demand separate lawyers.

  The Cat : What's the penalty for this? 'Cos if it means wearing outfits with arrows on, I'm committing suicide!

  Kryten : No, sir. It means wearing outfits with wings and halos on, sir. The penalty is execution.

  Rimmer : Why so harsh?

  Kryten : It's Frontier law sir, and we're the deep space equivalent of horse rustlers. Severe sentencing is the only way to restore order. So don't expect it to show us any mercy.

  Rimmer : What do we do?

  Kryten : Let's face it, sir. We're as guilty as the man behind the grassy knoll!

  Lister : Yeah, but if we admit it, it'll blow us out of the stars.

  Rimmer : Recommendations?

  Kryten : Hmm, suggest I take the rap for all of you. You could say I held you hostage and forced you all to do my evil bidding.

  Rimmer : For God's sake, Kryten! We can't let you do that!

  Kryten : Really?

  Rimmer : Dream on, metal trash! Get your hands in the air and step into that searchlight!