Photos
Quotes
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Lister : [to Rimmer] Get outa town! Your nickname was never "Ace". Maybe "Ace-hole".
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Holly : Hope they've got some odds and sods on board, we're short of a few supplies.
Lister : [drinking tea] Like what?
Holly : Cow's milk, ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated.
Lister : What kind of milk are we using now?
Holly : Emergency backup supply. We're on the dog's milk.
Lister : Dog's milk!
Holly : Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk.
Lister : Why?
Holly : No bugger'll drink it. Plus of course the advantage of dog's milk is that when it goes off, it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh.
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Lister : His name's Rimmer, or Smeghead, or Dinosaur Breath or Molecule Mind. And on a special occasion when you wanna be like really mega polite to him, I mean really, really polite, in these exceptional circumstances you can call him... arsehole.
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[Rimmer, Lister and the Cat have discovered that the female officers are dead, and have been for 3 million years]
Lister : Listen, girls. I don't know whether this is the time or the place to say this, but my mate Ace here is incredibly, incredibly brave.
Rimmer : Smeg off, dogfood face.
Lister : And he's got just tons and tons of girlfriends.
Rimmer : I'm warning you, Lister.
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Lister : What have you done to the place?
Kryten : I've done a spot of tidying up.
Lister : But where is everything? Where's me coffee cup with the mold in it?
Kryten : I threw it away, sir.
Lister : But I was breeding that mold! His name was Albert! I was trying to get him two foot high!
Kryten : Why, sir?
Lister : Because it drives Rimmer nuts. And driving Rimmer nuts is what keeps me going.
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[about art college]
Lister : They had lectures like first thing in the afternoon. We're talking half past twelve every day. Who's together by then? You can still taste the toothpaste.
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Lister : Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens, isn't it? You lose your keys, it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall, it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens as well.
Rimmer : Well we didn't use it all, Lister. Who did?
Lister : Rimmer, ALIENS used our bog roll?
Rimmer : Just cause they're aliens doesn't mean to say they don't have to visit the little boys' room. Only they probably do something weird and alien-esque, like it comes out of the top of their heads or something.
Lister : Well I wouldn't like to be stuck behind one in a cinema.
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[after seeing the three female officers in distress]
Rimmer : Tell them we're coming aboard. By God. We'll rescue these fair blooms or my name's not Captain A.J. Rimmer, Space Adventurer.
Kryten : Thank you, Captain.
[Communication ends]
Lister : 'Space Adventurer'?
Rimmer : What am I supposed to say? 'Fear not, I'm the bloke who used to clean the gunk out of the chicken soup machine. Actually we know sod all about space travel, but if you've got a blocked nozzle, we're your lads.' That'll fill them with confidence, won't it?
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Rimmer : It's always the same when we meet girls. Put me down and make yourself look good.
Lister : Like when?
Rimmer : Remember those 2 little brunettes from Supplies? I told them I worked in Stores and they were really interested and asked me exactly what I did there.
Lister : And I said you were a shelf.
Rimmer : Exactly. And then I suggested a little trip to Titan Zoo, and you said, 'Ooh, he's taking you home to meet his Mum already.'
Lister : So? They laughed.
Rimmer : Yes, at me. At my expense.
