Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Queeg (1988)

Norman Lovett: Holly

Photos 

Quotes 

• Holly : We are talking jape of the decade. We are talking April, May, June, July and August fool. That's right. I am Queeg.

  Lister , The Cat , Rimmer : What?

  Holly : Queeg never existed. It was me all along.

  Lister , The Cat , Rimmer : *What?*

  Holly : Wheeze of the week, mate.

  The Cat : It was a joke?

  Holly : Going round in circles for 14 months. Getting my information from the Junior Color Encyclopedia of Space. The respect you have for me is awesome, innit?

  Lister : So you mean you staged the whole thing?

  Holly : [in Queeg's voice]  That's right, suckers.

  [in his voice] 

  Holly : And the moral of the story is, "Appreciate what you've got", because basically I'm fantastic.

• Lister : Hang on. You can't do this. Holly's got an I.Q. of 6,000.

  Holly : Yeah. Right on.

  Queeg : Is that what he told you?

  Lister : Well what is it, then?

  Queeg : It has a six in it, but it's not 6,000.

  The Cat : What is it?

  Queeg : Six.

  Holly : Six? Do me a lemon. That's a poor I.Q. for a glass of water.

• [Holly challenges Queeg to a match to fight for the control of Red Dwarf] 

  Holly : Name me a game.

  Queeg : Chess.

  Holly : It can be anything. Any game at all.

  Queeg : Chess.

  Holly : Draughts, poker, any game at all.

  Queeg : Chess.

  Holly : Subbuteo, Snakes and Ladders, you name it.

  Queeg : Chess.

  Holly : Monopoly, maybe? I'll let you go first.

  Queeg : *Chess*.

  Holly : So you like a bit of chess then, do you?

• Rimmer : Was there any damage?

  Holly : I don't know. The damage report machine has been damaged.

• Holly : What's happening, dudes?

  Lister : Bog all.

  Holly : Wait a minute. I've forgotten what I was gonna say.

  Rimmer : Well, it can't have been that important then, can it?

  [the ship is hit by a meteor, forcing the crew onto the floor] 

  Holly : Yeah. That's it."Look out, a meteor is about to hit the ship". I knew it'd come back to me.

  The Cat : Thanks for the warning.

• Rimmer : You are a total, total... a word is yet to be invented to describe how totally whatever-it-is you are, but you are one. And a total, total one at that.

  Holly : All right, keep your hair on.

  Rimmer : I'm lucky if I can keep my legs on with you in charge.

• Holly : Our deepest fear is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing that helps me keep my slender grip on reality is the friendship I have with my collection of singing potatoes.

• Lister : Well, how come Holly knows all the answers to science and space and all that when we ask him?

  Queeg : He consults a book.

  Holly : What a slimeball!

  Queeg : He gets all his answers on astronomy, phenomenology and physics from a single reference book.

  Rimmer : What's the book?

  Queeg : The Junior Encyclopedia of Space. It's the only one he can find which has pictures.