Red Dwarf (TV Series)

White Hole (1991)

Danny John-Jules: Cat

Quotes 

• The Cat : So, what is it?

  Kryten : I've never seen one before - no one has - but I'm guessing it's a white hole.

  Rimmer : A *white* hole?

  Kryten : Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole sucks time and matter out of the Universe; a white hole returns it.

  Lister : So, that thing's spewing time...

  Lister : [donning his fur-lined hat]  ... back into the Universe?

  Kryten : Precisely. That's why we're experiencing these curious time phenomena on board.

  The Cat : So, what is it?

  Kryten : I've never seen one before - no one has - but I'm guessing it's a white hole.

  Rimmer : A *white* hole?

  Kryten : Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole sucks time and matter out of the Universe; a white hole returns it.

  Lister : [minus the hat]  So, that thing's spewing time...

  Lister : [donning his fur-lined hat, again]  ... back into the Universe?

  Kryten : Precisely. That's why we're experiencing these curious time phenomena on board.

  Lister : What time phenomena?

  Kryten : Like just then, when time repeated itself.

  The Cat : So, what is it?

  [Kryten, Rimmer, and Lister stare at Cat] 

  The Cat : Only joking.

• Kryten : But there are 53 doors from here to the science deck. How on Earth are we going to get through?

  The Cat : Hey! I got it! We laser our way through!

  Kryten : Ah, an excellent plan, sir, with only two minor drawbacks. One, we don't have a power source for the lasers; and two, we don't have any lasers.

• The Cat : So whaddya say? We're back on the cold beans again?

  Lister : Not more beans, man! This place is beginning to smell like the inside of a packet of dry-roasted peanuts!

  The Cat : Plus, we're gonna spend another twenty minutes sawing the lid off the can, 'cause all the openers are electric!

  Lister : Everything on the smegging ship's electric, man! Heat, lights, doors. I didn't realize how dependent we were. I didn't realize how little I know, I just plugged things in walls an pressed the "On" button. I don't even know how to make oxygen, all I know is it's got something to do with plants and it ends in "Osis" or is it "Esis"? I don't know! Why didn't I pay attention in Biology class? Why did I always turn to page forty-seven and start drawing little beards and mustaches on the sperms?

• The Cat : Will you relax? I've seen gerbil-face play down in the recreation room. He's a diva! He can knock those stripy balls around the table all night long, and I tell you what, I have never once seen him lose a single ball down one of those holes.

• Lister : Alls we've got is us guys - us and our own resourcefulness.

  The Cat : My god, it's worse than I thought.

• Kryten : Mr. Rimmer would be effectively... dead

  The Cat : Hey, things are looking up already.

  Rimmer : Forget it... whatever it is you're suggesting... forget it.

  Kryten : But the entire ship is running on emergency battery power only. With the oxygen recycler and minimal heating a lighting, I estimate that Lister and The Cat have approximately two months left, without your drain on the power they might last six. I'm sorry sir.

  Rimmer : Sorry? Why are you sorry?

  Kryten : Well the Space Corp directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation a hologramatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crewmembers might survive.

  Rimmer : Yes, but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly: No chance you metal bastard.

  The Cat : Come on man you've gotta sacrific your life, I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do.

  Rimmer : You? You'd sacrific your life for the good of the crew?

  The Cat : No, I'd sacrific *your* life for the good of the crew.