- Darlene: The only way I'm going to the prom, is if I can sit in the rafters with a bucket of pig's blood.
- Nick: [Roger shows interest in Nancy] I don't know, Roger, I don't think you're her type.
- Dan: [pointing discretely at David to remind the guys that a young man is in the room, and they should be careful about what they say] Guys, please.
- Roger: Well, what kind of guy does she go for?
- David Healy: The kind that wears a bra. She's into chicks. Deal the cards?
- Roseanne: [trying to talk Darlene into going to the prom with David] Well, you know, it's not just for David. I mean, before I die, I would like to see one of my kids go out that door in a prom dress, and if it's not you, D.J.'s gonna be real unhappy.
- Roseanne: [Nancy shows up as Roger's date] Well, Nancy, what's going on? I thought you were our "little gay friend".
- Nancy Bartlett: So?
- Anne-Marie Mitchell: So, can't you get kicked out of the club for this?
- Nancy Bartlett: What? He's a nice guy, and he worships me.
- Roseanne: Yeah, but I mean, you know, he's an outie, not an innie.
- Roseanne: [Jackie asks Roseanne if she wants to talk to Darlene about the possibility that Darlene has had sex] No, Jackie, I don't even want to know about it. Millions of people's kids have sex every day, and they don't know about it; how come I have to know about it? No, I mean, how come I have to know about it! How come my kids always make sure that I find out about every damn thing they do? I want to be in-the-dark, Jackie. I want to walk around with a great big, stupid smile on my face like everybody elses parents in the whole damn world!