Roseanne (TV Series)

Toto, We're Not in Kansas Anymore (1989)

John Goodman: Dan Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dan Conner : There's some things in life that we can't prepare for. No matter how much we think we're prepared, we're just not. And if we spend forever trying to prepare for them, then we're just wasting our time.

• Jackie : [When Roseanne asks Jackie to pick up a couple of groceries] 

  [to Dan] 

  Jackie : Fork over the bread, Fred.

  Dan : Don't hurry back, Jack.

  Jackie : Thanks for the cash... stupid.

• Dan Conner : A tornado is wild, untamed power. What's the word I'm looking for?

  Roseanne : George Bush?

• D.J. Conner : What's a tornado?

  Darlene : Well, remember that part in "Wizard of Oz" when Dorothy's house went flying and she went spinning around and round and round?

  D.J. Conner : Is our house going to spin around?

  Dan : D.J., you know, that stuff you see on TV just gives you a sense of what's real. What's going to happen today is really real.

• D.J. Conner : What about food?

  Dan Conner : Good idea, D.J. Food. Canned goods, uh, fresh water...

  Roseanne : Now, Dan, this is an emergency. We need real food like caramel corn and cheese puffs.

• Dan Conner : We don't have to talk about this.

  Roseanne : Well, yeah, we do, Dan. Maybe not now, but sometime we do.

  Dan Conner : No, we don't.

  Roseanne : Why not?

  Dan Conner : Because nothing bad is ever going to happen.

  Roseanne : Oh, yeah, you're right. "Roseanne Conner celebrated yet another birthday today. She was 264 years old."

• Dan Conner : [to Roseanne]  Come on out here. I want to show you the sky.

  [he and Roseanne go outside] 

  Dan Conner : I was on the job site. The clouds started spreading out like india ink. It's kind of like "Close Encounters."

  [a sound of thunder is heard] 

  Dan Conner : Oh, man. Look at that cumulonimbus.

  Roseanne : Well, you took the words right out of my mouth.

  Dan Conner : If one of these babies gets a vertical updraft to it, you know what we're in for?

  Roseanne : A bunch of little nimbuses?

• Dan : [to Roseanne]  Take a deep breath. You know what that smells like?

  [puts a garbage can near Roseanne and walks away] 

  Dan : What's the word I'm looking for?

  Roseanne : Garbage.

• Darlene : This is so cool! Are we gonna have a hurricane?

  Dan : No, baby. We don't get hurricanes this far inland.

  Roseanne : Yeah, those coastal towns have all the fun.

• Dan : I'm gonna call Fred and Beatrice. See if we can use their cellar as a storm cellar.

  Roseanne : I thought we agreed to see less of them.

  Dan : Honey, this is a disaster.

  Roseanne : So was their last party.

• Roseanne : Dan, I'm scared. I'm scared about Jackie. I'm scared about everything.

  Dan : It'll be okay.

  [gives her a quick pat on the back and walks away] 

  Roseanne : Well, thank God you always know the right thing to say.

• Dan : [after Becky goes outside in the storm to get her animals]  Becky, what the hell were you thinking about? You could have been killed?

  Becky Conner : So could Pebbles and Bam-Bam. I gotta go get Waffles. He needs his medicine.

  [is about to run off, but Roseanne stops her] 

  Roseanne : Hey, I don't care if Pancakes needs a pacemaker. You're not going no place.

• Dan : [to Roseanne]  Looks like we lucked out again, huh, kid?

  Roseanne : Yeah. Well, think about it. If you were a tornado, would you want to come in this house?

  Dan : [pauses to think]  What is that, one of them zen riddles?