- [During a tornado]
- Roseanne: What's the worst that can happen? So the tornado picks up our house and slams it down in a better neighborhood.
- Crystal Anderson-Conner: [while she's making marshmallows] Roseanne, how do you like yours? How do you like yours, Roseanne?
- Roseanne: Oh, like I like my men: crispy on the outside and stuck to the end of a fork.
- Dan Conner: There's some things in life that we can't prepare for. No matter how much we think we're prepared, we're just not. And if we spend forever trying to prepare for them, then we're just wasting our time.
- Roseanne: [after Becky disappears somewhere amidst the approaching tornado] Let's go get her and beat the hell out of her before the tornado gets her.
- Becky Conner: Mother, this is no time for joking.
- Roseanne: Yeah, you're right. Okay, everybody, PANIC!
- Dan Conner: A tornado is wild, untamed power. What's the word I'm looking for?
- Roseanne: George Bush?
- D.J. Conner: What's a tornado?
- Darlene: Well, remember that part in "Wizard of Oz" when Dorothy's house went flying and she went spinning around and round and round?
- D.J. Conner: Is our house going to spin around?
- Dan: D.J., you know, that stuff you see on TV just gives you a sense of what's real. What's going to happen today is really real.
- D.J. Conner: What about food?
- Dan Conner: Good idea, D.J. Food. Canned goods, uh, fresh water...
- Roseanne: Now, Dan, this is an emergency. We need real food like caramel corn and cheese puffs.
- Becky Conner: [to Roseanne] I'm writing in my diary everything that's happening just in case.
- Roseanne: Oh, honey. You're gonna make it. You'll survive this horrible moment and grow up and have horrible moments with your own kids.
- Becky Conner: I love you, Mom.
- [hugs her]
- Dan Conner: We don't have to talk about this.
- Roseanne: Well, yeah, we do, Dan. Maybe not now, but sometime we do.
- Dan Conner: No, we don't.
- Roseanne: Why not?
- Dan Conner: Because nothing bad is ever going to happen.
- Roseanne: Oh, yeah, you're right. "Roseanne Conner celebrated yet another birthday today. She was 264 years old."
- Dan Conner: [to Roseanne] Come on out here. I want to show you the sky.
- [he and Roseanne go outside]
- Dan Conner: I was on the job site. The clouds started spreading out like india ink. It's kind of like "Close Encounters."
- [a sound of thunder is heard]
- Dan Conner: Oh, man. Look at that cumulonimbus.
- Roseanne: Well, you took the words right out of my mouth.
- Dan Conner: If one of these babies gets a vertical updraft to it, you know what we're in for?
- Roseanne: A bunch of little nimbuses?
- Becky Conner: [to Darlene] How come my new sweater is at the bottom of your grungy closet?
- Roseanne: Because everything in the free world is at the bottom of that grungy closet.
- Becky Conner: I gotta call Diane, tell her I can't come tonight.
- Roseanne: Well, you can tell her later when her house flies by our window.
- Crystal Anderson-Conner: I was on my way home from taking Lonnie downstate to his grandma's and I almost lost control of the car. It's like the end of the world out there.
- Roseanne: Great. No more Geraldo.
- Dan: [after Becky goes outside in the storm to get her animals] Becky, what the hell were you thinking about? You could have been killed?
- Becky Conner: So could Pebbles and Bam-Bam. I gotta go get Waffles. He needs his medicine.
- [is about to run off, but Roseanne stops her]
- Roseanne: Hey, I don't care if Pancakes needs a pacemaker. You're not going no place.
- Jackie: [to Roseanne] When I was on my way back over here, I saw that thing.
- Roseanne: The tornado?
- Jackie: Yeah, and I had my camera with me, so I though I'd move in on it and snap a few.
- Roseanne: How could you do something that crazy?
- Jackie: Well, Dad used to put us all in the Buick and go chasing storms.
- Roseanne: Well, Dad was a lunatic!
- Jackie: You can't believe the power of that thing. It wipes out one house and it leaves the next one untouched. There's absolutely no rhyme or reason. It's beyond our control. Nothing means anything!
- Roseanne: Have you been talking to Mom?
- Crystal Anderson-Conner: [as the tornado is almost near and everyone huddles together in the living room]
- [shouting over the noise from the tornado]
- Crystal Anderson-Conner: I just want you all to know that I love you very much!
- Roseanne: What?
- Crystal Anderson-Conner: I love you!
- Roseanne: We love you too! Now, shut up!