- Chuck Mitchell: [Leon has just told the poker group that he's gay] W-W-Well, y-y-you know, um, I-I-I know a gay guy. I, uh, his name's Bill. H-H-He lives in Chicago. M-M-Maybe you know him?
- Leon Carp: Yeah, yeah, sure I know him. From Chicago. Gay Bill.
- Dan: Smooth, Chucky.
- Chuck Mitchell: What? Nobody else was sayin' anything!
- Roseanne: [trying to return a dog D.J. brought home] Yeah, You wouldn't believe the day Lorrain's had. First, first her car breaks down, and now a kitchen fire. And, ah man, the way her luck is going, I wouldn't be surprised if the next thing is, that some irate mother of three jams a skanky little dog down her throat.
- Roseanne: [on the phone with Lorraine, the mother of the boy who gave D.J. the dog] Hello, Lorraine? Yeah, it's Roseanne Conner... Yeah! Yeah, your dog's here... No, I don't blame you at all, you had to take a shot...
- Bonnie Watkins: When I'm feeling down, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone.
- Roseanne: Well, see, now, that's where we differ. When I'm in a bad mood, I can't wait to spread it around.
- Roseanne: [to Gordon, the security guard who is worried that he will be fired if anyone finds out that he let Roseanne and her friend into Rodbell's diner after closing] Oh Gordon, if you get fired, it'll be because of those "Mr. Lonely" parties you have in the mattress department.
- Bonnie Watkins: Well you know what I say... If we can't share our feelings with one another, we might as well be men.
- Roseanne: [shouts] What the hell were you *thinking*!
- Jackie: [hysterically] I was thinking, that I just lost a great guy like Gary, and now he's gone for good, and I'll never find another great guy! I'm 36 years old, I've got flabby arms, and pelican neck! And all my house plants are dead, and no one loves me; but what difference does that make anyway, because everything in my life *sucks*!