- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Be healthy, and welcome to Russia's favorite television game, Uposcrabblenyk. I am your host, Niklaus Harmolav, welcome. Today is the second day of our struggle between... Champion Viktor Kametsky, worker at Hydroelectric Plant Number Five; and our lovely challenger, Anna Petrovich, a designer at Mikuoyan Aerospace. Anna, tell us all about your job.
- Anna Petrovich: Sorry, Niklaus, it's classified.
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Oh-ho! Good answer! Viktor, tell about, er, perhaps your hobbies... something.
- Viktor Kametsky: Enough talk, get to game!
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Oh! Watch out, Anna, Viktor is ready to go over the fence to play the game.
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Anna, you have twenty-eight letters to make a word on Uposcrabblenyk. Can you do it now?
- Anna Petrovich: Could I have concentration music, Niklaus?
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Okay, can we have music, please?
- [The sound of a European-style police siren is played in the studio. Anna presses her buzzer.]
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: All right, Anna, what is your word?
- Anna Petrovich: Starting on left, ending with letter P, twenty-eight letter word giving me victory: Prienellskofvischnyetpropopp.
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Prienellskofvischnyetpropopp, it fits! The high Russian word for, "dog," I believe?
- Anna Petrovich: Yes.
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Okay, Viktor, do you challenge?
- Viktor Kametsky: [pressing his buzzer] Yes, I do!
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Okay, ruling committee... Ruling committee...
- [a bell rings]
- Uposcrabblenyk Host: Viktor, you are right! Anna, your word is a slang word, an abbreviation unacceptable on Uposcrabblenyk. I am sorry, I hope the shame is not too much to bear.
- [in the style of a public service announcement:]
- Narrator: If there was someone in your family who was no good...
- Chorus: Uzbeks.
- Narrator: Someone who embarrassed you...
- Chorus: Uzbeks.
- Narrator: Someone who constantly took but never gave...
- Chorus: Uzbeks.
- Narrator: If there was someone like that in your family...
- Chorus: Uzbeks.
- Narrator: You would do something, wouldn't you? Mother Russia has someone like that in her family.
- Chorus: Uzbeks.
- Narrator: But she can't do something about it without your help. Experience has taught us not to make martyrs of our enemies, so: Leave them alone.
- Chorus: Uzbeks.
- Narrator: Don't give them money or matches.
- Chorus: Uzbeks.
- Title Card: Mother Russia Cares
- Narrator: And don't encourage them to gamble and drink. Uzbeks. They are the weak link in the great chain of Socialism.