- Valerie Birkhead: Sabrina, it's Valentine's Day. You should definitely wear red to the dance.
- Sabrina: Yeah, because no one else will have that idea.
- Sabrina: Hey, Val. You didn't see this tag.
- Valerie Birkhead: Wow, 20 percent off. Hey, with a sale like this, I might be able to afford an even better dress.
- Sabrina: Val, this one. I-- I think it's a Presidents' Day sale, and all the other dresses are Canadian.
- Hilda: Okay, we're up to the Z's, and so far, every man we know is either married, busy or disgusting.
- Zelda Spellman: Several were all three.
- Hilda: I took Belgium once to help Napoleon. Big trouble.
- Zelda Spellman: Basically, you have to give things back by hand.
- Hilda: Which is how I came to participate in a little thing called Waterloo.
- Valerie Birkhead: I wish he'd ask me to the dance.
- Sabrina: Why don't you ask him?
- Valerie Birkhead: Because if he doesn't ask me, I can always assume that it slipped his mind. But if I ask him and he says no, no amount of delusion will fix it.
- Sabrina: Tell you what. Why don't I feel him out for you?
- Valerie Birkhead: As long as you're willing to lie about anything negative.
- Cupid: Who's he?
- Principal Willard Kraft: I am someone who has the decency not to wear a diaper in front of a lady.
- Roland: Why did you hit me with that arrow?
- Zelda Spellman: So that you would see that it's wrong to mess with people's hearts.
- Cupid: Unless you're a licensed professional.
- Hilda: Love is special, love is alive. Send me Cupid for 5.95. You look awful.
- Zelda Spellman: Hilda, it's his busy time of year.
- Cupid: Oh, that's not it. I was just left at the altar. My fiancée ran off with a policeman. She never could resist a man in clothes.
- Zelda Spellman: How dare you try to prick Sabrina's finger on that spindle so you could run off with her?
- Sabrina: What?
- Roland: I was only gonna keep her for a century or two.
- Sabrina: What?
- Zelda Spellman: You know very well that Sleeping Beauty spells are illegal ever since, well, Sleeping Beauty.
- Zelda Spellman: So how goes it with diaper dan?
- Hilda: Well, it's more challenging than building the Panama Canal, but then, less malaria.