Sanford and Son (TV Series)
Lamont, Is That You? (1973)
Redd Foxx: Fred G. Sanford
Quotes
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Dr. Caldwell : Mr. Sanford, are you suggesting that your son might be displaying homosexual tendencies?
Fred G. Sanford : No, I'm suggesting that my son might be turning into a sissy.
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Rollo Larson : [passing Fred on his way to the house] Hey Pops, what it is?
Fred G. Sanford : [disgusted] What it was!
Rollo Larson : Right on, I see you steppin' out tonight, huh?
Fred G. Sanford : Well, I was steppin' out but after meeting you it's more like steppin' into something.
Rollo Larson : [amused] Jack, you one cold-blooded old dude.
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Bubba Bexley : [Fred refuses to believe that Lamont might be gay after walking out of a gay bar] Fred, the name of this place was The Gay Blade.
Fred G. Sanford : The Gay Blade?
Bubba Bexley : You know what gay is, don't you?
Fred G. Sanford : [smiling] Yeah, that means 'happy'
Bubba Bexley : [serious] Not anymore.
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Bubba Bexley : If you see two guys going into a sissy bar, what are you suppose to think?
Fred G. Sanford : Well, look Bubba, me and you went into one of them bottomless bars, didn't we? That don't mean we stopped wearing pants.
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Dr. Caldwell : [on homosexuality] No one ever died from it, you know
Fred G. Sanford : [referring to Lamont] Well, he'll be the first one if I ever find out something like that.
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Fred G. Sanford : [after asking the doctor to subtly quiz Lamont to see if he's gay] Could you tell anything?
Dr. Caldwell : Well, he feels that he had a dominant mother and that's generally a clue.
Fred G. Sanford : [worried] Then he is.
Dr. Caldwell : On the other hand, he shows no outward signs that would be revealing.
Fred G. Sanford : [relieved] That means he ain't.
Dr. Caldwell : But, he says he takes after his mother.
Fred G. Sanford : [worried] Then he is.
Dr. Caldwell : However, he likes the idea of a woman around the house.
Fred G. Sanford : [relieved] He ain't.
Dr. Caldwell : I didn't say that.
Fred G. Sanford : [confused] Well, what are you saying?
Dr. Caldwell : I don't know.
Fred G. Sanford : Well, what DO you know?
Dr. Caldwell : The one thing I DO know is... I don't know.
Fred G. Sanford : Well, what do you suggest?
Dr. Caldwell : I don't know. Let's just wait and see how things develop. Let me know if you detect any change in his speech or his behavior or his dress.
Fred G. Sanford : [worried] Don't tell me he gonna put on a dress.
Dr. Caldwell : [amused] No, Mr. Sanford. I meant his wearing apparel. That'll be ten dollars please.
Fred G. Sanford : I only got five dollars, Doc.
Dr. Caldwell : Well, when can I get the other five?
Fred G. Sanford : I don't know. Bye, Doc.
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Fred G. Sanford : What are you doing combing your hair?
Lamont Sanford : What kind of question is that? Why does anybody comb their hair?
Fred G. Sanford : Well, you just going to a job.
Lamont Sanford : Pop, just because I work in junk don't mean I have to look like it. Now I come in contact with a lot of people out there in the street, you know.
Fred G. Sanford : Oh, I see what you mean. Like, in case, you ran into one of those nice interesting females, huh?
Lamont Sanford : [smiling] In case I should run into whoever. See ya, Pop
[leaves]
Fred G. Sanford : [concerned] It's that whoever that worries me.
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Fred G. Sanford : [privately fearing that Rollo and Lamont might be gay] Hey listen here. Why you always going out with my son?
Rollo Larson : Lamont? He my man!
Fred G. Sanford : [panicking] Your Man?
Rollo Larson : Yeah Jack, he's my man, my MAIN man!
Fred G. Sanford : [panicking further] Your main man?
Rollo Larson : [crosses his fingers] Look here Jack, Imma see you later on. Look we tight partners man. Me and Lamont are just like that
[enters the house and closes the door]
Rollo Larson : .
Fred G. Sanford : [clutching his chest and looking up to Heaven] Elizabeth? If you lookin' down on all this, honey... don't look?
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Bubba Bexley : [Fred and Bubba arrive at The Gay Blade] I saw Lamont and Rollo go right in there. Look up there. See? The Gay Blade.
Fred G. Sanford : Well, we better get inside because Rollo was just getting to the house as I was leaving.
Bubba Bexley : Well, suppose Lamont sees you in there, then what?
Fred G. Sanford : Oh, they won't see us. Know why? Cause we can sit way in the back, and besides, put these on
[produces two pair of sunglasses from his pocket and hands on pair to Bubba]
Bubba Bexley : I feel kinda weird.
Fred G. Sanford : Well, that won't mean nothing in there, Bubba.
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Fred G. Sanford : [about to go into The Gay Blade with Bubba] When we inside there, don't smile at nobody. Hear?. I mean don't smile at n-o-o-o-body.
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Lamont Sanford : Say, Pop?
Fred G. Sanford : Yeah?
Lamont Sanford : Uh, you didn't go to that movie with Bubba like you said you was, did you.
Fred G. Sanford : No.
Lamont Sanford : Well, where did you go?
Fred G. Sanford : Out. Now I'm in. Now, I'm going up and lay down.
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Rollo Larson : Hey, what's the good word, Pops?
Fred G. Sanford : The good word, Rollo, is when you say 'goodbye'.