- Princess Diana: [quite tipsy] When will you understand that I am a person? That I am not some thing... that I am me, a person, and not just some thing. That you can't treat me like some thing. Because I am not a thing. I am a person, so treat me like a person and not a thing, because that is what I am. A person. Me.
- [buries her face against Ronald Reagan's broad chest]
- Ronald Reagan: Well, that pretty much says it all.
- Prince Charles: [stands up, walks to Diana] Oh darling, you poor thing.
- John F. Kennedy: Bobby, eh, we better give eh, Elvis some of these eh, sleeping pills eh , we might need a few hours to get away.
- Bobby Kennedy: Right.
- [takes the pills, looks at the label]
- Bobby Kennedy: We can't Jack, they're addictive.
- John F. Kennedy: Just do it.
- "The Critic" narrator: Rated PG-13. Children under 13 and stupid people should be accompanied by an intelligent adult.