- CPO Martin: Permission to speak freely, sir?
- Captain: Yes, by all means.
- CPO Martin: You big, fat, stinking bastard! God, how I hate you! You make me want to puke with your flatulent breath and your 'Oh, I order you to do this' and 'Oh, I order you to do that'. Who the hell do you think you are, you pusilanimous bag of week old gold goat manure! If I had a dollar, no if I had a nickle for every...
- Captain: Okay, okay, that's enough! I meant about the voyage!
- CPO Martin: Ah.
- Weekend Update Anchor: People Magazine's cover story was Pat Anthony, the surrogate mother who gave birth to her own grandchildren. Her daughter Karen plans to legally adopt the triplets, which means the kids' biological mother is now their stepmother, her husband is no longer their grandfather, and they won't have to call each other "Uncle". They also announced plans to move to Aurora, Alabama, where this sort of relationship doesn't seem to be a problem.
- Weekend Update Anchor: You know, it was fifteen years ago today that Elvis... uh... well, I'm sure he did something. He was the King, it was a weekend.