- Sam Donaldson: Well, I've never seen such a small human before. I guess they're the ones called 'children'.
- Lorne Michaels: [in the control room, during James Woods' monologue] I just don't want any shooting unless it's absolutely necessary.
- SWAT Gunman: All right, Mr. Michaels, but I dunno if you realize what kinds of sick, psychotic weirdo freak it is that we're dealing with out there.
- Lorne Michaels: I just can't take the chance that you might shoot Dana Carvey.
- SWAT Gunman: All right, whatabout members of the audience?
- Lorne Michaels: Let me see what it says on the back of the ticket.
- [pulls a ticket from his shirt pocket and reads for a moment]
- Lorne Michaels: Do what you have to do.
- Weekend Update Anchor: I don't know, I just had to ask: why do pumpkins never take care of their teeth?