- Norm MacDonald: [Michael Jackson has been accused of plagiarism by a 40-year-old woman] Isn't it odd that she's the only one who's ever accused Michael of song stealing? That we've never heard this accusation from anyone close to Michael, like his maids and butlers and bodyguards, and the children he regularly has sex with?
- Martin Lawrence: Well look here, y'all, we got a great show for you tonight, cause I'm here.
- [Cheers and applause]
- Martin Lawrence: That's right. I'm here, Crash- yo, yo! Crash Test Dummies are here so yo, we'll be back, hang on, we gonna be back, we gonna do our thing!
- [takes off his shirt and start doing Karate moves]
- Eugene Carl Murdock: You see this scar here? I got this from some guy I was robbin'. And then he took my wallet. I mean, it was a stolen wallet, but still, it was a real ego-buster.