- Dr. Jack Badofsky: Let us first talk about the many forms of syphilis.
- [reveals a card reading syphilis]
- Dr. Jack Badofsky: If you're not sure you've got it, it's 'if-philis'.
- [reveals a card reading if-philis]
- Dr. Jack Badofsky: If you caught it from a drunk, it's 'stiff-philis'.
- [reveals a card reading stiff-philis]
- Dr. Jack Badofsky: I-if you got it from rubbing noses with an eskimo, that's 'sniff-philis'.
- [reveals a card reading sniff-philis]
- Dr. Jack Badofsky: And if you sleep with a dirty mummy, that's 'hieroglyph-ilis'.
- [reveals a card reading hieroglyph-ilis]
- Dr. Jack Badofsky: Let us move now to the many manifestations of gonorrhea.
- [reveals a card reading gonorrhea]
- Dr. Jack Badofsky: When you first find out you've got it, that's 'gonorrhealization'.
- [reveals a card reading gonorrhealization]
- Dr. Jack Badofsky: If, if you get rid of it and it comes back, that's 'gonorrheappearance'.
- [reveals a card reading gonorrheappearance]
- Dr. Jack Badofsky: And, if... if... if the New York Post finds out you've got it, everyone in the city's gonorrhead-all-about-it.
- [reveals a card reading gonorrhead-all-about-it]