- Lisa: [cheerleading routine] Lean to the left, lean to the right, Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!
- Marilyn Monroe: Who told you to sign that treaty anyway?
- John F. Kennedy: Eh... eh, well, eh... eh, Angie, eh, Dickinson, Marilyn.
- Marilyn Monroe: And you listened to her?
- John F. Kennedy: Well, I'm sorry, Marilyn, I'm just the kind of man who, eh, needs, eh, lots and lots of...
- [coughs]
- John F. Kennedy: ... advisors.
- Marilyn Monroe: Huh. And my research is not enough? Oh boy.
- [sighs]
- Marilyn Monroe: Did Arthur Miller need more people when I rewrote "Death of a Salesman"? Or Joe DiMaggio, when I corrected his batting stance?
- [performs said batting stance]
- John F. Kennedy: Oh boy, Marilyn, eh... heh, what a stance that was, huh?
- Marilyn Monroe: Oh, Mr. President, I'm ready to do it.
- John F. Kennedy: Fine, fine, now how do I handle this Berlin crisis?
- [picks up a folder as Marilyn puts on her spectacles]
- Abraham Lincoln: [arriving late at Ford's Theatre] Sorry I'm late, guys, but I was freeing some Negroes!
- [laughs loudly at his own joke]