Scrubs (TV Series)

My Old Friend's New Friend (2004)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Photos 

Quotes 

• J.D. : Come on, man, it's our last week together! The J.D. and Cox train is pulling into the station. You must have a metaphor you want to use; hit me with it!

  Dr. Cox : I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Lemme see, uhh... Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, 'The O.C.', the U.N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything - eve - everything that exists - past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh! And Hugh Jackman.

• Dr. Cox : I sure hope you're comfortable in that bed, because you're gonna be in one just like it for the rest of your natural born life.

  J.D. : What the hell was that?

  Dr. Cox : That was me talking to a patient who has thrown in the towel. You can't save everyone, Newbie, so I suggest you start working with people who want your help. That's what I will be doing.

• J.D. : I just want you to know I'm not ready to give up on Mr. Radford.

  Dr. Cox : Do you want me to give you my "things I don't care about" speech again? Because, you know, I've updated it to include all white guys who add -izzle to anything.

  J.D. : I agrizzle, my nizzle.

  Dr. Cox : Go on home and get in bed, will ya. I'm betting your friend Mr. Radford's already in his. I'll see ya.

• J.D. : Why the giant X?

  Janitor : Why the stupid face?

  J.D. : Touché.

  Janitor : You know, I know you knocked that exit sign down.

  J.D. : Well then I'm sure I can expect an appropriate retaliatory response. Maybe you could shoot me in the neck.

• Dr. Clock : Look, isn't it possible that Dr. Cox tricked you as a motivational ploy?

  J.D. : Hmm, no.

  Dr. Clock : After he said there was no hope with Mr. Radford, didn't you both work harder?

  J.D. : Nnoo! You're like a crazy person!

  Dr. Clock : I'll tell you something else. I mean, Dr. Cox is a text-book closed-off alpha male. I mean, you can try forever, but you're never gonna get that hug that you really want.

  J.D. : Uh, excuse me, I'm not a child. I'm a doctor.

  [thinking] 

  J.D. : And i'll get that hug!

• Dr. Clock : So where were we?

  J.D. : Er... we weren't talking

  Dr. Clock : Was it cause of something you did cause i'm totally over it. I don't even remember what it was

  J.D. : No i mean like, we've never talked

  Dr. Clock : How do i know your name then?

  J.D. : You don't

  Dr. Clock : You're freaking me out Jimmy

  J.D. : It's Johnny

  [thinking] 

  J.D. : Why would you say Johnny. You hate Johnny

• J.D. : [Voice over]  As I fondled Katya, my pillow girlfriend, I thought about how things had changed for all of us.

• J.D. : Whether or not you survive in a hospital is all about how you handle your relationships.

• J.D. : When you get back from surgery we'll play scrabble again and this time I'll beat you.

  Dr. Kelso : Well, of course you'll beat her, son, she's having half her brain removed.

• J.D. : [JD plays Scrabble with a patient]  Ahh, Mrs. Grodberg, "jzilbek" is not a word.

  Mrs. Grodberg : I'm still beating you!

  J.D. : Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins!

  [He turns] 

  J.D. : [Voice over]  Half a brain, dammit!